Hubs here. Recently Ashley and I had two fantastic weekends with our parents: one weekend with my parents, one weekend with her parents. For our weekend with my parents, we were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. We met them in the central California coast area and spent the weekend sightseeing, wine tasting, and eating some
My husband looked at me concerned. “Are you okay?” he asked. My reply was, “I’m just having a bad day.” To be honest, I couldn’t really put a finger on why I felt the way I did, but I just felt discouraged and “down in the dumps.” It was going to be one of those
I remember lining up in the kitchen with my two sisters at my mom’s command. Someone had done something they weren’t supposed to, and it was time to find out the crime and culprit. So, as the three of us stood there wide-eyed looking at my mom, she would simply say, “Who did it?” We
For better or worse. I clearly remember standing before God, family, friends, our pastor, and my handsome groom vowing to love him for better or worse, among other things. It’s funny though how in the moment you can easily imagine and commit to the “for better” part, but you selectively disregard the “or worse” portion.
“What are you most dissatisfied with about our marriage?” she asked. It was a simple question, albeit somewhat out of the blue. Ashley and I were driving home after spending a day at a museum. I sat there partly terrified, thoughts racing through my mind for the right answer. Difficult conversations are not exactly my
I flipped down the passenger side visor to glance at myself in the mirror. Ugh. How could I forget to put on a stitch of make-up? I looked over at my husband and apologized for my ragged appearance. He just laughed and reassured me saying, “You know I think you are most beautiful when you
The fourth and final of the Four Horsemen is stonewalling. In his book The Marriage Clinic, Gottman defines stonewalling as occurring "when the listener withdraws from the interaction" (p.46). In other terms, stonewalling is when one person shuts down and closes himself/herself off from the other. It is a lack of responsiveness to your spouse
The third of the Four Horsemen is contempt. Contempt is defined by Gottman in The Marriage Clinic as "any statement or nonverbal behavior that puts oneself on a higher plane than one's partner" (p.45). More simply stated – it's an "I'm better than you" attitude. Contempt is viewed as the most dangerous of the Four
The second of the Four Horsemen is defensiveness. Gottman defines defensiveness in The Marriage Clinic as "any attempt to defend oneself from a perceived attack" (p.44). A more practical definition I like to use is placing the blame on the other person and not accepting personal responsibility. As I mentioned in The Four Horsemen:
There is a very renowned author by the name of John M. Gottman, Ph.D. who has written many books and done extensive research on couples. From his studies, one of his best known concepts that has been utilized to help many couples is what he calls The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. He says that
