By Jeff Klick

In the beginning God created Adam and Eve. For the record, and in order to be politically incorrect, God did not create Adam and Steve or Amy and Eve. God, in His infinite wisdom decided to create man and woman – different physically, emotionally, and mentally.

God decided to create man and woman to perfectly express Himself to His creation. It would take both to present a full picture of what it means to be made in His image. One is not better or worse, and one is not less important, both are needed, – differing roles, but of equivalent value and worth. God said that the husband and his wife are joint heirs in Christ.

1 Peter 3:7 – Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

My bride and I have been married for over thirty-eight years. I would be lying to say that every moment of every day has been filled with bliss. In fact, while the first year was a disaster, there have been many times when our marriage was a mess.

My wife would admit that she has issues and so do I. We were young, selfish, and hard headed when we married. Today, we love each other with a deep, abiding love, but that did not simply happen overnight. If fact, there were many times when both of us would beg God for a way out. By God’s grace He did not answer those requests, at least in the way we expected.

We would not divorce because we did not allow for any back doors to our marriage. That does not mean that we didn’t struggle, for we did. Since this is written from my point of view, I will leave my wife’s struggles out of the discussion and share with you what I have learned over the years. I pray that you can glean some helpful truths here men.

At some point in time in our marriage, while I can’t remember the exact moment, it seems like we were married for about fifteen years or so, the above verse became real to me. God expected me to learn how to live with my wife in an understanding way. She is a daughter of the King, and how I treated her, had a direct impact on my relationship with that King, even all the way down to my prayers. Wow, I needed to have my mind renewed.

Up until that point, I had spent the bulk of my time attempting to conform my wife into my image. If she could just think like me, act like me, respond or not respond like me, our marriage would be so much better. If Leslie could just be Jeff, life would be grand.

But God did not have Jeff marry Jeff, He had me marry Leslie. Leslie is different than Jeff. She thinks, reacts, and processes everything differently from the way I do. At some point I began to entertain the thought that perhaps God added Leslie to me not to torture me, but to help complete His work in me. Maybe, just maybe He knew what He was doing when He gave me someone so different that me.

I began to wonder what would happen if I listened to her just to hear what she had to say and not to correct her to the proper way of thinking – my way. What if the Sovereign God of the universe knew that I needed someone different than me to help me see issues from another perspective? What if my wife, in all of her differences was a gift from God? A unique thought to me at that time!

Looking back now I am embarrassed that it took me so long to see this truth. I regret the years wasted in attempting to change my wife into my image instead of embracing the differences. God knew that two points of view are better. God knew that my vantage point needed to be tempered and softened. God knew, and He gave me a blessing that I resisted.

When I quit fighting the differences and began to embrace them, growth came both personally and in our marriage. My wife didn’t need to be me. The perspective she brought to the discussions was different but necessary in order to make better decisions. What I once considered a threat was now being embraced as a gift.

For the record, I am not perfect when it comes to remembering these truths. There are still days when I fight the differences. I slip back into the old way of thinking and begin to argue with my bride about her thoughts. The competitive side of me wants to win her over to my point of view instead of actually listening to what she has to say. I do this to my own hurt for God provided someone who is different because He loves me. When I cut her off, it is only hurting my potential. Two really are better than one and both views provide a needed perspective.

The next time your wife begins to challenge your plan or way of thinking guys, I would recommend that you remember the words of life from Peter. Learn to live with your wife in an understanding way. What truth is your wife bringing that you do not see? What point of view is she stating that you need to hear? What could be embraced from what she is sharing that would actually make the decision better?

I know it is hard sometimes to actually listen to your wife. I know it is difficult to learn to speak “woman,” for the way many wives communicate is different than guys. We tend to want the facts, and nothing but the facts, which leads to a solution. Our wives tend to want to share all the details, emotions, and seemingly disconnected information thus clouding the issue from our point of view.

But what if God wants us to slow down, learn to listen, and actually embrace the input from our wife? What if the information our wife is trying to communicate to us is actually important? If God gave her to us, and He did, and if God gave us someone different than ourselves, and He did, then it would be wise to learn to listen. In fact, our wife is a hand-picked gift from God.

God has given us one of His daughters to share our earthly journey with, and He did so because He loves us. Let’s quit fighting the differences and begin to embrace them and see what happens in our lives. Let’s learn to actually listen to hear what is being said with an open mind free of trying to correct. Let’s let our wives be the gift God intended and receive this gift joyfully. Let’s enjoy the differences and quit fighting them!

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