The “S” Word: Submit by Lauren Nelson
One evening while my husband and I were on our honeymoon, I was particularly slow in getting ready for dinner. I was taking my time getting primped and prepped as he sat waiting with his stomach growling. He was prodding me along to get ready quicker, but I was still moving around lazily. After waiting and continuing to watch me move slowly, he said, “Submit!” I looked at him like he was crazy, and he replied, “I just thought I would see if it would work.” We have laughed numerous times about this story, but I think it serves as a reminder to us about how God views marriage and how He says it can really work.
When you hear the word “submit,” you might think of oppression or being under the control of someone else. For women, it might make you defensive, but the use of the word “submit” in the context of Ephesians 5:22-33 is God’s how-to guide for a happy marriage. Ephesians 5:22-24 is probably most husbands’ favorite verse about marriage and most wives’ least favorite, but the verse gives both husbands and wives a view of how marriage can be not only successful but God-honoring. In verse 22, God lays out His plan for how a wife is supposed to treat her husband. By submitting to your husband’s leadership, it doesn’t mean you don’t have a say, but it does mean you respect his role as head of the household. Just as Christ is the head of the church, the husband is the head of the house. As you respect, obey, and love Christ, you should also respect, obey, and love your husband.
Ephesians also gives specific instructions to husbands. In verse 25, God calls husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Christ loved the church enough to lay down His life for it, and husbands are called to love their wives in an equal amount. My favorite part of this scripture passage comes in verses 26-28. It says, “…to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” As a husband and especially in the dating process, men should only want the best for their wives just as God would want the best for them. Husbands are called to protect their wives from situations or actions that might cause damage to them, making submission to a husband’s leadership vital to the well-being of your marriage.
Marriage is not about getting your way or competing with your spouse for control, it is about learning to love each other and love God together, as a team. If Christ is the center of your marriage, your heart will desire to please God, and in turn, you will please your spouse. When you submit to each other and love each other as in the relationship between Christ and the church, God’s master plan for marriage can be played out perfectly.
Lauren Nelson is one of 85 women in the country to ever hold the title of Miss America. She was crowned Miss America 2007 at the age of 20. Lauren launched a nationwide platform of internet safety, Be NetSmart – Protecting Kids Online. In addition to helping numerous organizations like Children’s Miracle Network, Lauren is an accomplished singer and performer. Currently, she is completing her undergraduate degree at the University of Central Oklahoma where she is majoring in Public Relations. She works as an ambassador for UCO, employed by the office of University President, Dr. Roger Webb. Lauren speaks for various women’s events, youth retreats and charitable organizations, teaches Sunday School at her local church, and leads worship with her husband, Randy. Her latest project is her upcoming book, which she is co-authoring with Robin Marsh, God, Girls, and Growing Up, which is set to be released in January 2012.
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My husband definitely loves that scripture. Lol. Submitting is an extremely difficult thing to do. Nice reminder.
This is a great verse for both husbands and wives. It can get misconstrued but it really is a powerful passage. Thanks for the article!!!
One of the most important aspects of marriage—–and the hardest part to accept. And in a bigger view, it is the hardest part of being a Christian. We must submit to Christ in every way to truly know Him. Good article—thanks!
“Submit” is a taboo word around my home. I think my wife looks at it as if I’m saying; “Me Tarzan, you Jane, me say, you do!” I don’t look at it that way though, I think when a wife submits to her husband she is simply doing as you do a boss at work. You give him/her the respect that comes with the position. God made man head of his house and by submitting to him a woman is not giving up her voice in a home, but strengthing the home in the way God wants it to be. Every man knows that if the little lady is happy, then no one is happy. It does not mean that the man controls everything, but that there is an order in the home…God’s order. Without this order things just won’t be right. No man should take the verses in Ephesians 5 out of context and say to his spouse the Bible says they must submit. If a man is following God and doing his part, his wife will have no trouble submitting.
my one sentence should read: “…if the little lady isn’t happy, then no one is happy…”
Great article. I agree that submission is more about mutual respect than dominance. Knowing you have someone always on your side gives opportunity to build intimacy because you feel safe letting your spouse see you vulnerable.
Jennifer, thanks for your comment! Absolutely, submission is definitely not supposed to be about dominance and being a doormat. It’s all about respect and honor. Glad you liked this article!
Shared on facebook,.Love this scripture.It says to submit.It basically is saying to respect each other in order to form a Happy marriage.Mutual Respect.Doesn’t mean control,just show respect to each other.
Darla, thanks for sharing your thoughts about this article! I really think Lauren did an amazing job with addressing this important subject of submission!
Partner dancing offers insightful perspective on the roles of leading and following in marriage. You can read more in this blog post: http://bit.ly/v6E9eR