Are Men Being Deceived and Marriages Destroyed?
By Rick Poleck
Satan is the master liar, thief, and deceiver, whose singular goal is to destroy God’s creation. To think that he is not out to destroy marriages is purely naïve. He is employing and will continue to use any tactic possible to get into man’s mind, because he knows that is where the battlefield is created. If he can get a man to think that his wife is “the enemy” a battle will ensue in which the wife is viewed as “the enemy,” when in reality she is the victim. She is the object of attacks she does not understand, but knows she is being wounded and finds herself forced to ultimately defend herself and their marriage. She finds herself attacked with often loud and unkind words and hurtful accusations and innuendo from her husband, who is acting out thoughts Satan has planted in his mind, believing that they are his own thoughts and perceptions. As the battle continues, the man feels that he is justified and the wife suffers physical and verbal abuse, neglect, silent treatment, and ultimate feelings of rejection. She finds herself withdrawing from her husband and her feelings are numbed.
If a man could, for one moment, recall his marriage vows and how he felt as he stood before God and his soon-to-be-bride, recapturing thoughts, he would realize that he is being deceived by the real enemy and destroyer of marriages, Satan. He would turn his thoughts around, seek God’s word and face, and ask the one who died on the cross to provide salvation, to please redeem him and his marriage. He would remember that he is to forsake ALL others for the love and sake of his bride and marriage. He would recognize the things in his thoughts and life, which Satan is using to destroy him and their marriage, such as addictions to work, drugs, sports, pornography, adultery, or sexual immorality.
There is often another situation which the evil one loves to utilize to destroy marriages that comes into play for a number of men, so subtle, yet so blatant. This is an extreme mother and son relationship. It is subtle in that a son/mother may not even recognize it, but it is blatant to his wife, who is constantly subjected to it. The relationship is often symbiotic to the point that the mother is manipulative and controlling and even in denial and the son is submissive and defensive of his mother and does not see it as deliberately dividing him and his bride, as his mother has assumed a nearly mistress-like role. Although a mother or son may be blinded to it or think it is normal, saying things such as, “She’s just my mother,” or “He’s my son,” they need to recognize it as a marital bond-breaker and clarify and rectify the relationship before his bride’s joy fades, intimacy wanes, and the life is choked out of the marriage. His wife subjectively sees the relationship for what it is, knowing that as long as her husband allows the relationship “as it is” which his mother to continue, his mother will always be “the other woman” in their marriage, and their marriage is doomed to failure.
Meanwhile, the husband remains oblivious to what his wife sees, viewing his relationship with his mother as “normal” and his wife’s observation as imaginary. He is unable to make the correlation in his mind, for after all, he has known his mother all his life. He continues to justify his thinking and resultantly becomes increasingly frustrated and angry, which is directed toward his wife. He sees her observation as ludicrous, a fabrication, her own insecurity, which creates frustration and anger within her that he cannot “see” it, the proverbial “elephant in the room.” His bride feels that she and her observation are of no value or importance to her husband, that his refusal to validate his wife, instead of his mother, causes her to feel that it is a hopeless situation. She begins to believe that their marriage will never fulfill its potential.
A husband needs to take stock and seriously recall that his marriage vows are with his wife and before God, “forsaking all others,” to “leave his father and mother and cleave (inseparably bonded) to his wife” (Genesis 2:24). No exceptions! Recognizing that there is truth and value in his bride’s words, saying “no” to, and turning from Satan’s lies and deception is necessary to defeating him and restoring and giving life to his wife and their marriage.
We need not be deceived as men and husbands in our marriages. We need to grab onto God’s word and fight the battle that wages in our minds and thoughts through the power of the Holy Spirit. We must remember our vows daily and fight for our marriages, love fiercely, and care diligently for the wives God has given us, for truly we are the only ones that God has given the strength by command to protect our marriages from destruction, in wisdom and in truth, by the grace of God.
Copyright © 2019, Foundation Restoration. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No reproduction allowed without written permission from Foundation Restoration and/or the author.
Like many things I’ve read in Christian marriage books and blogs, everything said here is true – but it is dangerous when it applied equally to all situations. When husbands and wives are in conflict cycles – they trigger and hurt one another. People react to hurt differently, sometimes along gender lines – fight, flight, or freeze. So men are deceived that their wives are the enemy and then react with anger to hurt them? True. But what if a wife is acting as an enemy – accusing, attacking character, undermining….and a man is hurt by that? Is she the enemy? No. Does she feel like the enemy? Yes. So all the responsibility is not on the Devil and/or the husband.