Reflection. It’s good for the soul to take time and just breathe. Life has a way of speeding by us so quickly that, in many ways, it’s a blur. Especially since becoming a mom, I feel like the days often bleed one into the other, and the next thing I know, they’ve all disappeared. So, I left my sweet boy at home with my hubs, and I am hitting the pause button. To reflect. To breathe.

Planning without reflection feels futile to me. If I don’t know where I’ve come, how can I know where I am? Let alone where I am going? So, as I sat down with my new planner ready to dream, organize, and figure out what the next year will look like for me, my family, and my ministry, I found myself needing to look at where we’ve been this past year.

This was our first full calendar year with Grayson, our son, and it was a challenging one. I try to be honest with others that the transition to motherhood has been a brutal one for me. Attempting to run a ministry, be the mom of the century (my own unrealistic expectations), be the wife I strive to be for my husband, and still maintain all of the relationships in my life as well as household and daily tasks has been … well … impossible. There have been many days that the tears flow, and I literally cannot stop them. Adding “mommy” to my list of titles and to do’s has been intense, and I’ve felt so completely out of control.

Yet, here I am, a survivor. As I type that word out, I laugh, but in complete transparency, this past year has been one of survival. A love bomb exploded in my life, and I’ve been figuring out how to piece it back together ever since. While I absolutely love and adore my son and being a mommy, it’s thrown my life into utter chaos. Everything has shifted, and nothing can get the tender love and care it got prior to his arrival. And that’s how it should be, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a tough pill to swallow.

One of the reflections of this past year for me is that I carry a lot of guilt around. That guilt comes from my Type-A perfectionism. I long to be the best at everything and to do everything I tackle with utter perfection and passion. While that has served me well in many areas, it has also been debilitating in this season of transition. That’s the thing about perfectionism; it’s impossible, and you feel shame and guilt every time you miss the mark.

I’ve said many times that motherhood has brought the best and worst out in me, and it’s certainly brought my struggle with perfectionism to light in a significant and blaring way. Perfectionism highlights every single thing you have done wrong or could do wrong, which is why is it crippling at times. The enemy can use the smallest things to whisper failure in your ear, and suddenly, if you can’t do it all, you don’t think you can do anything. It’s paralyzing, and the simplest of tasks can become an insurmountable mountain. The joy of the journey is stolen, and you’re faced with a false identity of “failure.”

If perfectionism is a struggle for you. I encourage you to embrace grace with me. 2 Corinthians 9:12 says, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” God’s grace is enough. I cannot allow my drive for perfectionism to steal my joy, peace, and identity anymore. So, with His grace, I will embrace these truths to live each day in freedom.

I am loved. Love isn’t earned; it’s given.

My identity is child of God. Identity isn’t something you do; it’s who you are at your core. It’s who God created you to be.

Peace is a state of my soul. It’s experienced when we do what we can but rest in knowing God is sovereign (and trustworthy).

Joy is in what we choose to focus on. Rather than focusing on all that I didn’t do right; it’s choosing to focus on all that God has blessed me with. It’s choosing to focus on Him.

I am a work in progress. It’s ok to struggle; that’s why we need Jesus and the Holy Spirit to guide, strengthen, protect, and help us daily.

I also realize it takes practical steps to maintain a life of grace.

Know WHO is your priority.  This year I am literally writing down WHO is most important to me so that I can them make sure my list of to do’s always falls in line with that. We often neglect those who matter most to us because we assume they will understand, but they should get our best and not just the rest. The truth is that we often coast into our homes on fumes, and our families get our crumbs. We have to choose to focus on WHO is important before we can determine our WHAT.

Make lists. I have always done this, but I think it looks very different once we have our WHO in place. I use Wunderlist mainly because there is a lovely *ding* when you check something off (it’s like a little victory bell), but I also like you can collaborate with others on the list. I have a list for groceries/household items (this is where a collaborative list is helpful), work, and home. I also created lists for things I don’t want to forget – gift ideas for others (when someone mentions something, I put it on the list and have it for when a birthday/holiday pops up), pediatrician questions (so I’m not obsessing over them or scrambling to remember when I go in), thank you notes (keeping track of which ones were written is a blessing for my mom brain), and long-term projects (those things you want to do but that aren’t urgent and you don’t want cluttering up your to do list).

Schedule personal time. It’s easy to go a million miles per hours all day every day, but I realize that if I don’t make time for myself, I crash. Whereas I am accustomed to keeping my gas on the pedal to juggle everything, I can’t as a mom. There are no hidden moments of reprieve in motherhood, so now I simply must carve out and schedule me time so that I can continue to give my best to those most important to me. This is something I’ve struggled to do because of guilt, but I realize it’s non-negotiable.

Keep a journal. Just a notebook or something you can brain dump once and awhile. We all need to just vomit our thoughts out sometimes to be able to get organized. The challenge for me is not feeling like it has to look a certain way. Let it be the place of mess in life where there’s no structure or “right way” to do it. Just let it be what it is.

Know what fills you up. What do you love doing? What brings you life and joy? If you could spend a day doing anything, what would it be? Take those elements and sprinkle them throughout your life. As a mom and wife, I rarely focus on making sure I am still doing things that I love. It could be as simple as a 10-minute walk outside or getting away for an hour to sip on your favorite latte at your favorite coffee shop. Whatever it is, figure it out, and get those back in your life so that you are getting filled back up to pour back out ?

GRACE. Embrace all of the grace this year! Let’s do this together!

Here are a few other resources to help in the journey to receiving the gift of grace in your life:

Do you have any resources or things you’ve found helpful in extending grace to yourself? Please share!

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