By Ricinda Perry
“Would you edify me please?” These words have resonated and continued to replay in my mind over and over. It wasn’t long ago that my husband and I went on a trip to North Carolina. While the setting was warm and inviting during our stay, the couple we were visiting had no children and keeping a three-year-old who is full of energy prim and proper is impossible. Messes, running, broken objects are all part of toddler life.
My nerves were on edge and began to fray as I watched play dough make its way onto the couch after the 1700th warning to keep it on the coffee table only. Ok maybe I’m exaggerating a little about the number of warnings, but I felt compelled to keep our daughter under an ever-watchful eye and it was wearing on me. Despite the lovely couple’s thoughtful accommodations and reassurance that we were not a bother … with no car of our own and staying on site in smaller confines that had no play room where messes could stay, I felt a lot of stress.
Unfortunately for my husband, he took the brunt of my bottled-up stress, and to be honest, there was not much he could do that was right. He played with Victoria too loudly, didn’t clean up enough, played too hard, didn’t play enough. You could say I started to needle him on this trip, and it became a bit too much and my patient husband became discouraged. During one of my routine “you’re not doing that right” jabs, he looked me straight into the eye and asked me the following question: “Would you edify me please?”
He was absolutely right. My stress and worries of keeping the couple’s perfect home perfect resulted in tearing my husband down bit by bit. Why is it that we strike out at the person we love the most in stressful times? Why do we pick on our spouse when we feel worn out? Why do we focus on the little annoyances instead of all the good our loved ones do? Some say it is because you feel safe with that person and know they will love you through your shortcomings. I am sure there is truth to that, but I also know that a marriage or relationship will not be healthy if you are tearing it down bit by bit. Your child, spouse, and friends need to feel love, appreciation, respect … EDIFICATION.
My husband’s simple statement struck a chord. It addressed his need dead on at the moment. To him I give great credit for bringing his need to my attention rather than addressing my failure. He could have said “stop henpecking me.” It would not have been well received, nor would it have made the same impact.
As we move into November, we are reminded to be thankful. I believe this month will be easy for me to create opportunities to edify my husband, daughter, parents, sisters, friends and others who are a part of my life. The first step I have taken, and would invite you to try, is asking the Holy Spirit to give me a greater love for my husband and to show me ways to edify him. I have also asked the Lord for the Fruits of the Spirit so that I may give them and show them to my husband. Love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, kindness and self-control – they are the ingredients for a healthy and robust relationship.
Foundation Restoration will be providing a number of great opportunities to show ways you are edifying your spouse and those people who are important to you this month during what we are calling, The Month of Gratitude. It’s going to be a blast, and we hope you will join us on this journey toward deeper gratitude for our spouse and family! We look forward to hearing your ideas, suggestions and stories of success. See below for all the fun details!
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Our First Giveaway:
This giveaway has now ended! Congratulations to our winner: Brandy Hensche!!!
PLEASE READ INSTRUCTIONS CAREFULLY to ensure eligibility! LEAVE A COMMENT below on today’s article sharing one or more things you are thankful for about your spouse and/or family to get entered to win today’s Month of Gratitude Giveaway: Love Notes (EVERYONE MUST LEAVE A COMMENT TO GET ENTERED). For additional entries do one or more of the following (each item is clickable to take you where you need to go) AND MAKE SURE TO INCLUDE WHICH YOU DID IN YOUR COMMENT BELOW!!! If you have already done any of the items listed below (for example, you “liked” us on Facebook prior to this giveaway), make sure to still include which you did in your comment below (ALL ENTRIES WILL BE VERIFIED, so please be honest)!!!
- LEAVE A COMMENT on this post sharing one or more things you are thankful for about your spouse and/or family AND INCLUDE all of the following actions you have taken!
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Entries must be received by Monday, November 11 at midnight Eastern Standard Time. Winners will be selected randomly and notified by email. Make sure to add info@foundationrestoration.org to your contacts to ensure delivery of the email. Winner will have 3 days to respond before winnings are forfeited. Open only to those living in the U.S. (So sorry. )
We expanded our family this year and I am incredibly thankful for the extra help and support my husband has given. We are a true team and I know I can count on him. Some days are more stressful than others with a baby and a young child but I know I have my husband’s support each and every day.
I previously “liked” Foundation Restoration on Facebook and followed on Twitter. I tweeted about the giveaway and signed up for the newsletter. I love the articles and enjoy the special online events!
Jessica, thanks for sharing and kicking off our Month of Gratitude 🙂 How incredible it is to have the help and support of our spouse, especially when there’s so much on your plate! What a blessing! Thanks for participating and for the encouraging words; they mean a lot to me!
I’m so grateful for my husband Nick. He is selfless and hard working. He desperately loves our boys and is a fun, hands-on and godly father to then. He makes sure I feel loved and cared for and often gives me a break when I’ve had a long day even when he’s had a long day too. Even on the tough days or through tough months there’s no other person I’d rather do life with.
Abi, thanks for joining us! How encouraging to hear you say such kind things about your husband!
I liked the page on Facebook and followed on Twitter!
Thank you! Thrilled to connect with you!
Love this article!! So glad in not the only one out there who gets a little travel stress brewing:) I am so very thankful always for my amazing husband who works endless hours to allow me to stay home with our precious children AND doesn’t mind cooking dinner, doing laundry or washing floors if my hands are full with the baby!!
I have (previously) liked you on Facebook. I’m now following you on Twitter@schulte_kristen. I “Tweeted” about this and also signed up for your newsletter. I signed up for Pintrest, but for the life of me can’t figure out how to use it! Oh well!!
Kristen, you’re definitely not alone 🙂 I love how you appreciate your husband’s hard work as well as his willingness to help you around the home. What a blessing — for him and you! Thanks so much for all the ways you connect and interact with us on a consistent basis!
I’m thankful for my family. My son is an awesome little guy and my hubby works hard. I did all the things but pintrist
Brandy, wonderful!
I liked the Foundation Restoration page on facebook.
I followed the Foundation Restoration twitter and my username is @bwpressl
I just tweeted about this foundation and giveway as it is awesome and amazing to see what God is doing.
Multiple comments works too 🙂
There is not enough space or time that I have to say everything I am thankful about when it comes to my wife and my family. However, I am thankful that I serve a loving and gracious God who has given me the opportunity and privilege to be a part of a loving, gracious and forgiving family and to have a wife that constantly reminds me of the Gospel and shows and abundant amount of love, grace, mercy and forgiveness to me on a daily basis. I am thankful that they all love me even on my worse of days and the encouragement and prayers they give me.
In regards to the other actions that I took I kindda misread the instructions and made separate comments for each action. But I did like the page on facebook, follow the twitter account and tweeted about the foundation and this awesome giveaway.
Bruce, I love your attitude of gratitude! I think if we all focused on how truly blessed we are, our marriages, families, and personal lives would change dramatically. God is so good and gracious, and yet, we often miss out because we’re focused on what we don’t have. I’m with you; it’s humbling and overwhelming to be loved by my husband and family even on my completely unlovable days. It’s a reminder of God’s unfailing love! Thank you so much for joining us and for connecting via social media too 🙂
EDIFICATION …such an important aspect in a relationship. I’m touched by the fact that as infants learn to crawl, walk, jump, speak, etc., we grown ups naturally work on the edification of the young ones. However as they age, I know I sometimes forget to edify things I now “expect” them to accomplish, as it should be a “normal” progression. …my bad! While I may not have to clap my hands or give them a special toy for their “growing up actions/achievements” gestures and words of acknowledgement go a long way in the edification.
How true this is in my relationship with Ruth. This Thursday we will celebrate our 15th year of marriage. It’s been a Blessing to know that without edification of our actions (and inactions) through this journey, we would not be as strong in helping each other overcome human failures/emotions over the years!
Reggie, that’s a great point! We do tend to applaud and affirm infants, but then we begin to expect and forget to continue to appreciate and edify. Like you said, we may not need to clap our hands and do back flips, but the attitude and effort to appreciate and encourage those we love needs to remain. Congratulations to you and Ruth on 15 years of marriage!! What an exciting and wonderful day to celebrate! May God bless you both with a perfect day of remembering all that you’ve shared, accomplished, created, and overcome together while also anticipating all the love, memories, and joy to come! Thanks for joining us and for all of your support and encouragement to me and this organization!
I follow your column on Facebook and Twitter, as share your work through the same platforms. Keep up the great work in providing perspective on relationships!
I’m so glad that God has blessed me with such a strong supportive husband. Dealing with chronic pain can be hard on a relationship, but ours is the strongest it has ever been!
Michelle, wow! Chronic pain of any sort is never fun, and it sounds like you and your husband have overcome to much together! I love that it’s brought you closer together! Thanks for sharing and joining us!
I also find myself doing this same thing, so thank you for your honesty and wise words! Do unto others, right? 🙂
Liked, Tweeted, Followed, and already receiving newsletter!
I am so thankful for an extremely supportive and prayerful family. Their positive affirmation and encouragement carry me through sometimes. I am also incredibly thankful for my handy husband. He’s brilliant.
Erin, I share your appreciation for a supportive and prayerful family! Their faith has been so instrumental in carrying my faith in weak and waning moments! How nice too that your husband is so handy! That is such a practical skill to possess! Thanks for sharing!