By Stephanie Tracey

Forty-four years ago, we began our marriage as two young kids madly in love.  We did not begin it as mature Christians who knew and understood God’s word and His ways.  But after five years of marriage and the birth of our first child, I was struggling to decide what I believed.  I knew there was a creator, but I wasn’t sure of his name.  We met a couple who were Christians, and they taught us about Jesus Christ, the Savior of the World.  They prayed with us and for us.  They encouraged us to go to church and study the Bible.  My husband Bruce and I became Christians.

After our second child was born, we began to go to church regularly.  We both prayed privately, but we didn’t study the Bible or pray together.   Bruce was working eight hours a day while going to night school full time to finish college.  On weekends, he built our first house with his own hands.  I was a busy, full time mom involved in community and church activities.  Ten more years went by with little spiritual growth.  When our younger child went to kindergarten, I joined a women’s Bible Study.  I began to learn and understand the Bible.  I began to understand the power of prayer in a new way.  I learned of the great blessings that come to a husband and wife who pray together.  I was on fire.  I would run home and bombard Bruce with everything I had learned.  I insisted that we must begin to pray together.  Finally, he agreed.

On several occasions, we tried to pray together.  It didn’t go well.  I was the self-appointed leader who did most of the praying while “teaching” my husband the “art of praying together.”  Finally, Bruce just told me he didn’t like praying with me.  “Why not?”  First of all, he said he didn’t like praying out loud.  He said my prayers were too lofty, too long, and that he didn’t always agree with my prayer requests.  He also said my prayers were saccharine and touchy feely.  I thought that he was wrong on all points and that he just did not want to pray.  I figured I was the spiritual one who would have to carry the load.  He was glad when I finally dropped the subject of praying together.

We both had so much to learn, but the Lord did not give up on us.  The truth was, we loved the Lord, and we loved each other and we wanted to learn to pray together.  Eventually, we talked about it again.  Bruce said that several things would have to happen in order for him to feel comfortable praying with me.  “What are they?”  He said he wanted to know in advance what we were going to pray so we could both be in agreement.  He said he didn’t want to pray out loud, but would pray silently.  I agreed to both conditions, and I had a condition as well.  I requested that he would not feel compelled but would come to our new prayer time as an eager and willing full participant.  He agreed.

So we sat down at our kitchen table.  We each had a white index card.  We agreed upon four areas of prayer: prayer for ourselves as a couple, prayer for our son, prayer for our daughter, and prayer for our finances.  As we talked through the four topics, we eventually came up with a one sentence prayer we both felt comfortable with for every category.  Bruce and I wrote the four sentences on our cards and signed and dated them.  We agreed we would each hold our index card and simultaneously pray all four prayers silently.  We planned in advance that we would both say “Amen” out loud when we finished.  The one who finished first would say “Amen,” then sit patiently until the other one finished and said “Amen.”  So right there and right then, at our kitchen table, my husband and I silently prayed together with joy in the name of Jesus for the first time ever.

Over the next weeks, we kept our index cards with us and prayed together daily.  We’d both hold our index card and pray silently until we had both said “Amen.” Sometimes we’d pray in the morning before we even got out of bed, sometimes we’d pray at the kitchen table like the first time.  Sometimes we’d sit on our bed and pray right before going to sleep.  I made sure we never forgot, but I remember one particular night when I crawled into bed feeling totally exhausted.  All I wanted was sleep, but then I heard Bruce whisper, “We didn’t pray.”  Decades later, I still remember the joy of that moment.  Thank you Lord for what you are doing in us.  Thank you that you are making us true prayer partners.  When I am weak, Bruce is strong.  I am not the one who is changing us … it is you, Lord.  That night we didn’t hold our prayer cards.  We held each other as we silently prayed together, each said “Amen,” and then drifted off to sleep.

As time went by, we updated our prayers, and we added thanksgiving for answered prayers.  One day, I don’t remember how, we decided to say our prayers out loud.  It seemed like a natural progression.  But I do remember Bruce saying, “Let’s just stick to what’s on our card.  Let’s not get off on tangents.”  Of course I agreed.  Bruce prayed first.  He prayed the first requests on our card.  I prayed the last requests, and said the “Amen.”  I clearly remember that day.  It was a turning point in our spiritual lives and in our marriage.

Our prayers changed a lot during the next months and years.  As Bruce began our prayer each day, he told the Lord how thankful we were for all our blessings.  He began to praise the Lord, speaking of all His wonderful attributes of faithfulness and loving kindness and mercy.  We began to ask the Lord to cleanse us from our sins and use us for His purposes.  As Bruce brought our prayer requests before the Lord, it was with a confidence that the Lord heard us and would do what was best in each circumstance.  We stopped praying for no problems, and started praying for the strength to handle each problem.  We began to pray for our church and our pastors, for our nation, and for others who were in need or hurting, or who did not know the Lord.  We began to read scripture before we prayed, and we each shared how the passage ministered to us.  Our index cards became a thing of the past.  There was no more fear of “getting off on tangents.”  We just prayed as the Holy Spirit led.

As we prayed, we experienced an intimacy unlike any other.  I began to know my husband’s heart in a new and deeper way.  We saw one another’s fragility and vulnerability.  We saw one another’s strength and enabling as we both grew closer to our God.

Maintaining our habit of daily prayer together has not always been easy.  We have an enemy who does not want couples to pray to the Lord.  But we have a Lord who is greater than any enemy and has given us victory all these many years.  Our prayers still change as our life changes.  We have five grandchildren now, and we pray every day for each of them.  We are growing older, and we have life challenges and health challenges which come with the passing years.  We now understand the brevity of life and our own mortality.  We ask the Lord to use us mightily for His purposes in the time we have left.  We have shared such deep intimacy for forty-four years … physically as husband and wife, and spiritually as the closest of prayer partners.  We understand that with that closeness comes a cost … the great grief which will befall the survivor.  We pray always for “the one who is left.”  Bruce has promised me that he will “let me die first,” so I never have to be alone without him.  But we both know that he is not the one to decide that.  And we both know that although the Lord has given us the gift of one another, it is God himself who is to be our first love.  We trust our God to be strength and spouse to the one who is left.

If you and your spouse do not yet pray together, talk to the Lord about it.  Ask Him to move in your circumstances so that you can begin a prayer partner journey together.  With us He used index cards.  Who knows what our creative God will use with you.  In the meantime, pray for yourself and your spouse.  Ask the Lord to give you both the desire and the opportunity to begin a life of prayer together.  Trust Him to teach you both.

© Stephanie Tracey 2012