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By Ricinda Perry

In Part 1 of my Family Bonding Series, I shared with you the importance of church-going.  This week I wanted to talk with you about our breakneck speed society.

School and after school activities galore … I have heard time and again about the moms who feel that they are constantly on the road—running their child(ren) from one event or activity to the next.  Friends for the weekend, charity functions, lunchtime engagements, date night, office work, house projects, grocery shopping, taxes are due, time for an oil change, and the list goes on with our hectic schedules and constant demands.

Just as many have started spring-cleaning their homes, perhaps it is time to also spring clean your schedules.  While I agree that children need to be involved in school and after school activities and parents need to socialize, too often quality family time is sacrificed for these things.  Take a moment and honestly answer these questions.

  • When was the last time you and your spouse sat down and talked?  I mean a genuine heart-felt, good eye contact talk that doesn’t take place between texts, commercials, or over top of your kids?
  • Are you unplugged in the evening when you and your family are home, or do you have your smartphone in your hand distractedly checking out the scores on games you are following, typing out texts to friends, or catching up on your Facebook posts and Pinterest pins?
  • When was the last time you didn’t automatically come home and turn on the TV to unwind?  In fact, does the TV serve as your means of relaxation?
  • When was the last time you didn’t automatically come home and turn on the TV to unwind?  In fact, does the TV serve as your means of relaxation?
  • When was the last time you and your entire family sat down at the dinner table … yes, that dusty thing with four legs over there in the corner of the room?
  • Do you know what is going on with your spouse’s level of happiness or stress this week?  Do you know what struggles your child is facing at school today?

Life moves by us at a breakneck speed.  Carving out quality family time seems to be nearly impossible.  I believe it is imperative that we sacrifice some of our extracurricular activities and personal entertainment rather than sacrifice our family.  Are you really going to be discussing some mundane sports statistics in your retirement years or a television show from some short-lived series?  I would imagine we will be thinking back on the memories that we created with our families.

I would challenge you to spring clean some of the clutter out of your schedules to make room for family time.  Here are some family time ideas:

  1. Plan to eat a meal at the dinner table once during the work week and once during the weekend.  Have your child actually set the dinner table, and try hard to pass on take out for this meal.  If you do not know how to cook, give mac and cheese in the box a whirl.
  2. Plan a family outing to attend your child’s practice, game, lesson.  Do not sit there on your phone.  Actually watch your child, and observe what it is that they are doing.  Afterwards, grab dinner together or some ice cream and talk about the activity.  Edify your child for their efforts and bond as a family.
  3. Make arrangements for a spouse date night at least once a month.  It is so critical that you and your spouse make quality time together!
  4. Shut off your cell phone, laptop, video game and TV…if only for 15 minutes of quality time every night to learn about what your spouse did through the day and what your child(ren) did.  Make them feel like they are a priority to you over the news, Sportscenter update, or Facebook posts.
  5. Find something that interests everyone in your family to do once a week together.  Every Sunday my family would go to church, eat lunch together at the table (usually something my Mom put on before church that smelled so good when we got home), take a nap, and then we would wake up and take a walk or bike ride.  Naps were the pits as a kid, and often I would just hang out in my room listening to music or reading a book during this short time of rest.  I will be honest, from a child’s perspective, the walks were not my favorite thing to do either, but my parents found ways to make them entertaining … Dad would make us walking sticks, Mom would bring a tasty snack along, an unexpected game of tag would break out. Something magical would happen during these times … we became a functioning family.  We talked together, laughed and made memories that I now appreciate more than anything and draw upon daily.  Looking back, Sundays were so precious.  This was the best day of the week.
  6. There is the attorney I know who is so focused at work that he comes across as unapproachable.  One day we were talking and I learned that he consciously tries to give his 100% at the office and does not allow himself to get distracted by surfing the internet or in mindless water cooler chatter so that he can get home in time to coach his son’s football team and to eat dinner together with his family every night.  This attorney is really great at his job and he is an outstanding spouse and father because of his focus and discipline.  Focus and discipline yourself to complete your daily tasks so that you can take a time out at the end of the day for your family.
  7. MAKE THE TOUGH CHOICES.  Have your child make a choice between all the after school activities.  You do not have to let them be involved in everything that interests them in order to be a good parent.  Too often we as parents feel that we are depriving our children if we do not give them everything they want.  We feel guilty, or that we are not expressing our love unless our children are able to do or get the things they want.  This is not healthy parenting.  Life requires constant sacrifices and decisions.  Teaching your child that they must prioritize their wants and choose between multiple interests is a critical skillset that they will need as adults.  Above all material gifts or outside activities, the best way to express your love is to spend time with your child.  This goes for us too.  Do not get so busy in your own schedules that you do not make time for your spouse and family.

I would challenge you to find a way to make more family time … regardless if you have children or not.  Nothing can make you feel more loved or safer than being in the arms of your family.

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