Chase Me

By Ashley McIlwain

One of the most exciting parts of a new relationship is the chase. Like a lion meticulously pursuing its next victim, we pursue that special someone with purpose and conviction. It’s fun, thrilling, and makes you feel desirable.

As we try to win the affections of that special someone, we are enamored by all they say and do. That idea she has is the most profound notion ever shared. That joke he made is the funniest you’ve ever heard. We bend over backwards to be engaged, to show our interest, to convince that person they are the only one in the world you want or need.

Being the pursued one feels good. You feel attractive, smart, funny, and desired. You feel validated and special, and it’s somewhat euphoric.

Then you get married.

Suddenly pursuit morphs into … well, routine. We grow comfortable and lazy. Like a well-oiled machine, we are efficient and on a mission. There are things to do, places to be, responsibilities to fulfill.  We don’t have time to just listen or gaze. You see each other all of the time, so why stop and stare? Instead of enjoying the journey together, we divide and conquer focused solely on the destination.

You know, one thing my husband and I do is a lunch date once a week. We’ve been doing it since we got married, and it’s one of my favorite parts of the week. It’s funny though because I still fuss over what I’ll wear. Standing in front of the mirror, I primp and pamper to perfect my hair and make-up. It may sound silly. What’s the point, right? I mean, he’s seen me at my worst in very unglamorous moments, so why even try?

Call me crazy, but I still want to step out of the car and get a reaction from my husband. I want him to puff his chest out like, “Yeah, she’s with me!” I want to feel beautiful, desired, and chosen, and I want my husband to be proud of me. It’s not about vain vanity, but it’s about effort and intentionality. There’s no one I’d rather get dolled up for and try to impress than my husband.

Don’t we all want that? To have our spouse chase after us? To continue to strive to impress one another?

When we get married, we can’t stop chasing our spouse. Why? Because there’s always someone else on the hunt prowling about waiting to pounce. He’ll listen to your wife like you don’t. He’ll make her feel beautiful and extraordinary the way she desperately wants and needs to feel. She’ll make your husband feel like he’s the smartest man she’s ever met. She’ll be forthcoming and exciting in the way he desires. There will always be someone else waiting and willing to chase and pursue your spouse if you aren’t, and your marriage, in an instant, can be mauled.

You chose your spouse. You vowed to cherish, care for, and love them for the rest of your lives. They signed up for marriage with you because they believed you loved them. Out of all the women in the world, she was the one you wanted. Out of all the men in the world, he was the one you needed. That’s a serious proclamation, and marriage is a lifelong expression of that love and commitment. Don’t reserve all of your best efforts just to secure a spouse but rather to keep your spouse.

Here’s a little acronym that might help remind you of some of the things “chasing” after your spouse entails.

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It’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind and monotony of life and neglect the things that really matter. It’s easy to lose our childish wonder and excitement for simple things. It’s easy to forget that our marriage is our safe haven and a blessing from God. It’s easy to lose sight of the fact that our spouse is one of the few things worth our time, energy, and effort. Life has a way of taking us farther and farther away from all of the best stuff … the things that matter the most and bring us the most joy … like our spouse, our marriage.

Just because we get married doesn’t mean we can stop chasing our spouse. They still need to feel pursued To have those moments where you look at them like it’s the first time. To be listened to like there’s no tomorrow. To be romanced and adored. To hear, “You’re incredible!” To catch you gazing just because you’ve never seen anything more beautiful. To know that no one will ever love them the way you do.

We can’t stop saying, “I choose you” in word and action.

Copyright © 2013, Foundation Restoration.  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No reproduction allowed without written permission from Foundation Restoration and/or the author.