By Ashley McIlwain
I cannot control life. My circumstances, the good and bad, my relationships, outcomes, the extent of my success – these are all things that are out of my control. Despite my best efforts, daily, I realize just how limited I really am. While frustrating, confusing, and sometimes angering, I find myself coming full circle to a powerful realization – out of control is exactly where I need to be, am meant to be, and want to be.
Say what? Yes, you heard me right.
The truth is we are constantly bombarded with the message that we are the author of our own life, and our destiny is within our own grasp. So we slave away working so hard to “have it all.” We toil and feverishly labor hoping to feel in control and content with our lives. The problem with this theory is that we are only destined for failure when we grab hold of the reigns.
Not only does this attitude cultivate an insatiable materialistic mentality, but it leads to deficiency. Physically we are exhausted, worn out, and sometimes sickly. Mentally we are shot. Emotionally we are drained. Relationally we are unavailable. And the promise to “have it all” can quickly become a nightmare as our lives, marriages, and families fall apart. All the stuff in the world is not worth sacrificing the relationships and joys of life for.
There’s no doubt that working hard and being diligent with our resources and talents is important. In fact, there is a parable in the Bible called “The Parable of the Talents” found in Matthew 25:14-30. We are told about 3 servants that are entrusted with talents by their master. The master leaves town, and when he comes back, each servant accounts for what they did with the talents they were given. The first, who had been given five talents, had put his money to work and doubled it. The second servant, who had been given two talents, also doubled them. The third servant though, who had been given one talent, had buried his in the ground to hide it out of fear. The master’s response to the first two servants was, “Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!” The master’s response to the third servant is not quite as affirming, “You wicked, lazy servant! … You should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.”
The objective of this parable is to instruct us that God has given us unique talents, abilities, and opportunities that He wants us to use and use wisely! He desires for us to multiply that which He has given us. So, it’s vital that we aren’t lazy, but rather, that we work hard at being a wise steward of all that He has generously given us.
That being said, we can only do our best, and God wants us to allow Him to do the rest. We must learn contentment and trust in Him because we simply cannot control it all, and I am thankful that I don’t have to. Aren’t you?
When your life is spiraling out of control, take a deep breath. Whether it’s your job, finances, or marriage, remember that you can only “control” yourself – your reaction, how you use that which God has blessed you with, and your choice to trust God. Even when it feels like it, you’ve never been the one in control, so don’t start panicking when it feels like you are out of control.
Do what you can to better the situation you are in. If your marriage seems to be taking a nose dive, then be gracious, kind, loving, respectful, forgiving, and faithful to your spouse. Try to communicate and to resolve. Pour into your spouse and your marriage. Perhaps it just needs some tender love and care. When it goes beyond your limits though, take it to God. Ask His Holy Spirit to intervene.
If you’re not sure what to pray, I’ve shared a sample prayer for you.
Click this link to download a high-res copy of this prayer.
Here are a few verses that further illustrate this point:
Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. –Proverbs 19:21
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.. –Matthew 6:34
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. –2 Corinthians 12:9
…For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty…I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. –Philippians 4:11-13
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. –Matthew 11:28-30
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? –Matthew 6:25-27
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” –Matthew 19:26
In our efforts to control every outcome, our happiness, and our ultimate “destiny,” we lose control. It is an impossible task to manage and contain everything in our lives. To attempt to do so is draining, exhausting, and deprives us of being joyful and content with our blessings. It also keeps us from trusting God. We simply cannot control this life no matter how hard we try.
All we can do is be wise stewards of our talents, resources, and blessings. Beyond that, we have to trust God to be faithful as He promises (Hebrews 10:23). We do our best, and God does the rest.
Today, I just want to encourage you to stop gripping the steering wheel so hard. Stop trying to force and finagle. You aren’t in control, and you never will be. So, let go of that burden, and start embracing your blessings!
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Wow! That is great and I want to a copy of that prayer!