By Ricinda Perry
Over the past couple of weeks, I have been hearing so many sad family stories. These stories grieve me because I know how much I treasure my family time and how much joy is added to each day from my family … everyone should have this. I will never have the answers that solve these problems. So many of them are, in human terms, irreparable. I began to look closely at my immediate family to see if I could pass along some advice in this three part series that will hopefully help to start the healing process in struggling homes.
To me, the most logical first step in maintaining a healthy or “fixing” a dysfunctional family is to get involved in a church and read your Bible. No one can mend a heart and no one can transform a person like Christ. One of the prevailing themes of Deuteronomy is reminding oneself of their spiritual and personal history. When you look over your past, you can be encouraged through your blessings, how you prevailed through a trial, or you can be sobered by a mistake that you made. Deuteronomy teaches us that our mistakes should not be repeated, commitments we made must be fulfilled, and the memory of special events can encourage us and move us into action. God has a plan and purpose for you … or you would not have inhaled that last breath. Look to Him and find out what that plan and purpose is.
I grew up in what many people call, a church shopping family. It seemed every couple of years we would seek out a new church, spending weeks in between the old and new church visiting new places of worship. My parents’ priority in finding a new “home church” was to be sure that their children were happy in the church and were being fed. The result of my parents’ efforts was three daughters who loved their church friends and never wanted to miss Sunday morning or Wednesday evening church.
Many of us as adults already have a spiritual foundation in place and have chosen Christ as our personal savior. Our children are still building that foundation and many influences surrounding them in their day-to-day activities chisel away at that foundation. Based upon my experience, I would suggest finding a church where your child wants to attend … a place where they see Christ in a positive and fun light. Keep looking. Keep trying. My parents drove over 45 minutes one-way to give us a church that we loved. The results pay off because the church family encourages you, your child and reinforces the efforts you take daily to raise your child.
Finding churches can be so uncomfortable. You may feel like everyone is staring at you when you walk in. You’re not sure where to sit or if you have taken someone else’s spot. The meet and greet session is not your thing, and you don’t know what to do when that offering plate comes around. But truth be told, don’t you feel like you did something right after you leave church? I get that glowing feeling in my stomach like I did as a kid when I knew I had my parents’ resounding approval for something good that I did. Falling out of church is easy. I’ve used and experienced all of the excuses: sickness, exhaustion, child’s naptime coincides with the service time, my infant pager goes off in the first song for praise and worship, company is coming into town … the list goes on. Push through the urge to sleep in and get in a church – even if it is not one that you love.
One thing that changed my heart and made church-going more significant for me was the realization that the church is not perfect and I am the church. One Bible study morning, I realized that I was expecting the church to spoon-feed me my needs and wants … hand me a brightly colored church package that gave me everything I was looking for in a church. My heart was pricked. I knew I did not have an all-in attitude. As gently as the Holy Spirit convicted me, God then opened my eyes and showed me that there were many parts of the church and that I had a responsibility to myself to find out what those parts were and who made up those parts. I found myself wanting to find opportunities outside of the regular service time that would minister to my needs. I also realized that I had a responsibility to involve myself in building up the church. I could start a Bible study of my own that addressed topics I wanted to learn about. I could get involved with the children’s programs (even if as a greeter) so that I could meet other younger couples. It was up to me to find things that I wanted out of our church. Before too long, I found myself immersed in a church with new friends who helped hold me accountable in attending.
Stretch yourself a little, and get involved in a church.
Copyright © 2013, Foundation Restoration. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No reproduction allowed without written permission from Foundation Restoration and/or the author.
I could not agree more! The older I get the more I realize that one of the greatest blessings I have ever received was being more into a Christian family and being surrounded by people who knew Jesus. There is no greater gift you can give to your children—-or those around you are WATCHING what you are doing (as opposed to what you are SAYING.)
Carol, how true! I am so thankful too for not only growing up in a home of Christ followers but being surrounded by them. It’s encouraging, and it’s also a reminder of the accountability and responsibility in living what we profess, as you said. Great thoughts! Thanks for sharing!
That would be “born” into a Christian family.
Dearest Ricinda, I want to express my heartfelt appreciation for this article. God bless you for taken the time to write down your thoughts and what you experienced. It helps and makes it so clear, rewarding, encouraging and challenging for parents pushing through that human resistance! I do thank you from my heart for sharing your heart.
[…] In Part 1 of my Family Bonding Series, I shared with you the importance of church-going. This week I wanted to talk with you about our breakneck speed society. […]