By Ashley McIlwain

What now? I think a lot of us have asked that question in our lifetime. We make a mistake or a poor choice. Perhaps we are on the receiving end of someone else’s indiscretion or recklessness. Regardless of how we got there, we have all found ourselves at a point of brokenness wondering how we will ever pick up the pieces.

Despair. Hopeless. Hurt. Scared. Angry. These might be some of the emotions that accompany these moments of pain. It’s like that feeling when you’ve had the wind knocked out of you where you aren’t sure how or if you will ever catch that next breath. You’re stuck in a whirlwind of emotions and damage that feels like it’s pulling you under quicker than a pit of quicksand.

Most of these broken moments come at the hands of a relationship. Someone hurts us. We hurt someone. We chose the wrong person to date and were dragged through the mud. You and your spouse don’t know how it happened, but you feel like you are strangers. When we allow ourselves to become vulnerable, we inevitably get hurt. The extent of that wound depends on the degree of the offense, but the results are the same … brokenness.

The good news though is that there is a tomorrow. There is hope. What has been broken can be fixed. Granted, that doesn’t mean scars aren’t left behind, but wounds can and do heal. Psalm 31:13 says, “I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give comfort and joy instead of sorrow.” Sounds to me like, with God’s help, we can recover from our despair.

In moving beyond despondency, there are three things we can cling to in order to make it through to the other side. They come from 1 Corinthians 13:13, “And now these three things remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

Faith

Most of the struggles and hardships we endure, we’ll never understand why we went through them. We scratch our heads, and ask ourselves, “What good could that have served?” Answers aren’t necessary for healing though. In fact, searching for answers can sometimes keep us from healing. When we refuse to acknowledge the pain, seek care, and then choose to move forward, we leave a wound open to fester and worsen.

What I’ve learned in my own seasons of brokenness is that healing comes through faith. Faith that there are times when I’ve royally screwed up, but I have a gracious and forgiving Savior that hasn’t given up on me. Faith that when I can’t understand how someone could so deeply injure me, I am able to lean on God’s ability to supernaturally forgive. Faith that in my humanity where stubbornness, selfishness, foolishness, and vain pursuit of earthly justice exist, there is a perfect and sovereign God that reigns over it all. Faith that there is no situation or set of circumstances that are greater than my God.

I am not going to pretend that what you’ve gone through or are going through doesn’t hurt, stink, or seem unfair. Trust me; I understand feeling confused, angry, disgusted, and deeply sorrowful all at the same time. But sometimes we just have to let it go. We have to hold steadfast to our faith, and believe that “after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you” (1 Peter 5:10). In the darkest hour of your life, if there’s one thing you desperately need more than anything, it’s your faith … your lifesaver.

Hope

One of the first things that often goes out the window when we are hurting is our hope. Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick.” Losing hope is devastating. When we lose hope, we lose sight of that which we once believed in and ultimately our strength and will to fight for it. That is why you simply cannot lose hope amidst your brokenness.

Sometimes you may not be able to see the way out clearly or at all, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t one. When you aren’t sure what to do, the best thing you can do is just take that first step. One foot in front of the other, and you are already on the road to healing. At times we need the help of a trusted friend, professional, or family member to get us back on our feet. One source of hope we always have though is in God. He is faithful even when we can’t wrap our minds around what’s happening to us. We read in Psalm 42:5, “Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”

Holding onto our hope is the only hope at healing. When we have hope, we continue to fight for what matters. We find the strength to get up, move forward, and continue our journey.

Love

Yes, there are times that relationships hurt us, but the best way to heal from those afflictions is in relationship. Sounds contradictory, but it’s actually complimentary. As we know firsthand, we are all human meaning we are flawed and inevitably going to hurt and be hurt. At the same time, because we are human, we have the ability to love and be loved.

I can’t help but be reminded of a child and parent relationship. Growing up my mom would discipline me when I misbehaved, and it often involved some level of pain or discomfort. But when it was over, the first person I ran to for comfort and love was my mom. I knew that I didn’t mean to be a “bad” kid, she didn’t want to discipline me, and that above all, we loved each other. So, I would run to her, she would hold tightly to me, and it all made sense.

As adults it can be the same way. I may hurt my husband’s feelings at time, but I know that he knows I didn’t mean to. Ultimately I love him, he loves me, and we just can’t help that we screw up at times. At the end of the day, I need to feel his love, and when I do, the pain, frustration, and heartache melt away. We learn, grow, and heal all at the same time.

Granted, I know that there are situations where there have been serious injuries – emotionally, mentally, and physically. I’m not saying to put yourself in harm’s way, or to ignore the pain. I’m saying to acknowledge it, address it, learn from it, and then move past it. The degree of difficulty involved in that process depends on the severity of the situation.

Brokenness and pain are not fun. They push us to our limits and create turmoil and despair. But, when you find yourself in that dark place, I would encourage you to cling to your faith, hold on to hope, and don’t give up on love.

Copyright © 2012, Foundation Restoration.  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No reproduction allowed without written permission from Foundation Restoration and/or the author.