By Steve McIlwain

Hubs here.

Be a man.  What does that even mean?  Drink beer, lift weights, work on cars, play sports?  If you’re into baking, knitting, Broadway shows, or enjoy a nice soak in the tub are you off the list?  Well, for now all you bakers and knitters are safe: the focus of this article revolves around decision making.

This is a delicate topic, especially in today’s society, but it’s important for men to embrace their strengths and roles.  In general, husbands are sources of leadership and direction for their marriage and family.  Wives absolutely play integral roles in both of those areas, but ultimately husbands have significant responsibilities in these two key arenas.  Many men have become complacent and some borderline incapable of making decisions.  I’ve seen husbands consistently shrink back in fear of their wife’s reaction.  I’ve also seen wives entirely steamroll their husbands when it comes to decision making.  Regardless, men need to play an active role in the process.

What kind of decisions are we talking about here?  Decision making ranges across the full spectrum.  It can range from where to eat dinner to making a career change; from which shoes to buy to purchasing a home; from what to do on Friday night to relocating to a different state.  All couples define their roles and responsibilities differently.  Some men do the planning.  Some women do the finances.  Who handles each responsibility is not really the issue.  The issue is men grasping the role of decision making.  As the man, your wife looks to you for leadership and direction.  You need to make sure to step into that role and develop your confidence, desire, and ability to make decisions.

This does not mean that husbands have free rein to make any decision they want while forcing their wives to smile and deal with it.  Don’t be the man that acts like a communist dictator to his wife and family.  Decision making within a home is a partnership between husband and wife.  For men it’s a very delicate balance between listening to your wife, expressing your own opinion, letting her make some decisions, and also being able to step up and make decisions on your own.

Perhaps you shy away from making decisions because you get an earful from your wife if you make the wrong one … and you never pick the right one.  Maybe you don’t play a significant role in decision making because your wife runs the home like a four star general and any suggestions from you are seen as pure irritation.  Regardless, there is something about being a man that requires you making decisions in spite of her annoyances.  Sometimes your decisions will frustrate your wife.  Sometimes your wife will seem like she wants to make all the decisions.  Sometimes your wife will say she doesn’t like your decision … but deep down she loves (and sometimes even craves) your initiative and wants to see more of that.  Confused?  Yep, it’s confusing.  It’s a complex scenario that can drive a man crazy, but the fact remains, men need to be an active part of the decision making process in their household.

There is no formula for which decision to make; no map to tell you exactly which choice to stand firm on and which to relent.  Decision making is an art.  The key is understanding your wife, grasping your role as a leader, and embracing your ability to make decisions for your spouse and family.  It is an on-going communication process between spouses to dial in the right balance.

Husbands: If your wife brings up an issue with a decision you’re making or your decision making style, have an open, honest dialogue to discuss it.  If you feel like she’s frustrated, nagging, or overbearing, kindly bring that to her attention and have a constructive chat about it.  Have the cojones to make decisions, and at the same time encourage your wife to make decisions as well.  Wives: Support your husband’s decisions.  If you have an issue with a decision or feel like you’re dealing with a dictator, kindly bring that to his attention.  Be part of the decision making process, but make sure you’re allowing your husband to do the same.

To wrap it up … men, for the love, don’t completely shirk the responsibility of decision making, and don’t be a ruthless dictator.  You are a pillar of love, leadership, and strength in your household.  Loud or quiet, outgoing or shy, aggressive or passive … embrace your unique position as a husband.  Step up and make decisions.  Be a leader in your home.  Lovingly guide and direct your family.  In short, be a man.

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