By Ashley McIlwain

Foreword: A Letter to Newlyweds was inspired by my sister’s recent marriage. As I began thinking about the things I wanted to say to her and her husband about marriage, I found myself frantically writing. Nowadays marriage seems to be entered into lightly, ignorantly, and with little preparation, and as a result, we are seeing devastating effects. While it’s impossible to share all of my thoughts, prayers, and aspirations regarding marriage, I took the time to pen what I could in hopes that it would help my sister and her husband on this amazing and blessed journey of marriage. Written from my heart, I have decided to share this special letter with all of you in hopes that it would encourage, inspire, and light a fire within each of you to fulfill the full potential of your marriage.

 

Satan hates marriage because he knows what a blessing it is and how powerfully God can use it to further His kingdom. Beware that Satan is working double time behind the scenes to kill, steal, and destroy your marriage (John 10:10). He will try to create confusion, division, and disillusionment. He will use anyone and everyone. He will try the front door, back door, and side door. He will do everything he can to tear the two of you apart, so be on guard, and don’t give him a foothold (Ephesians 4:27)! Hold steadily to God knowing that He is greater than any weapon formed against you (1 John 4:4, Isaiah 54:17).

It’s easy to let life pull you in a thousand directions. There’s always someone and something that needs to be taken care of, but the one person that shouldn’t fall to the back burner is your spouse. God has entrusted him/her in your care, so make sure you are truly caring for them. Your marriage simply cannot stand the test of time if you are neglecting it. You have to invest in it if you want it to be the best.

Aside from God, there’s only room for two in your marriage. Don’t allow anyone to come between the two of you. Surround yourselves with individuals who surround you. Meaning, you want to be around people who edify and encourage your marriage – not you, but your marriage. Time and time again marriages fall apart because one or both spouses allow negative influences to enter their inner circle. Your friends and family that comprise your inner circle, the people that you spend your time with and allow to speak into your life, should always be looking out for what’s best for you as a couple. If they aren’t, then limit their influence in your life. You need people who encourage your marriage and hold you accountable to your responsibilities as a husband or wife.

Remember that if put in the position to choose between your spouse and anyone else, there really is only one choice – your spouse. The Bible says to leave and cleave (Matthew 19:5). That means you leave behind your old life. Not that you lose your identity but just that you redefine and update it. Your primary role is no long a brother, sister, son, or daughter; you are now to cleave to your role as a husband or wife. Sometimes this is difficult to do as it’s so natural to fall in step with being a daughter or son first, but in the process you hurt your spouse and your marriage. Even when it comes to family, you need to always choose your spouse above all. Caring for, loving, and respecting your spouse are now your primary objectives, and that’s where your loyalty and responsibility must lie.

Safeguard your marriage. Work hard to keep your thoughts, words, and actions all in line with God’s word, and in the process you will be protecting yourself, your spouse, and your marriage. Satan is clever and disguises his traps to look harmless, but they are anything but harmless. Don’t give him a foothold, or he will come in like a roaring lion (1 Peter 5:8). There is no sin that is worth the price you will pay for it. Be on guard, take preventative measures, and pray for God’s wisdom and discretion each and every day.

Don’t expect your spouse to fulfill the role of God. Oftentimes we expect our spouse to make us feel valued, loved, and complete. While our spouse certainly is a source of great joy, encouragement, and love, we must find our true identity, purpose, and fulfillment in Christ alone. Once we have that strong understanding and truth in our heart, then we don’t chase after the emotional highs and lows that come with seeking things in this world to fulfill us in a way they never can. Love yourself, and then you can love others.

To read A Letter to Newlyweds: The Purpose of Marriageclick here.

To read A Letter to Newlyweds: Setting Yourselves Up for Success, click here.

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