By Ashley McIlwain

Foreword: A Letter to Newlyweds was inspired by my sister’s recent marriage. As I began thinking about the things I wanted to say to her and her husband about marriage, I found myself frantically writing. Nowadays marriage seems to be entered into lightly, ignorantly, and with little preparation, and as a result, we are witnessing the devastating effects. While it’s impossible to share all of my thoughts, prayers, and aspirations regarding marriage, I took the time to pen what I could in hopes that it would help my sister and her husband as they start out this amazing and blessed journey of marriage. Written from my heart, I have decided to share this special letter with all of you trusting that it will encourage, inspire, and light a fire within each of you to fulfill the full potential of your marriage.

 

The foundation of a solid marriage is the understanding of what it’s all about. It’s not about personal gratification or satisfaction. It’s not about feeling good or in love. It’s not about happiness. It’s not about butterflies and flutters. While many of those things come as the result of marriage, they are secondary to the profound truth of what marriage is all about.

Marriage is God’s gift to us. It was uniquely designed by Him to glorify and edify Him. He created it to model after the Trinity – God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. It entails husband, wife, and God. That three-strand cord is not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12). This relationship is a gift He gave us to have the help needed in facing this difficult life. It’s designed as a support system to strengthen, uplift, and encourage one another in order to help us fulfill His purpose for our lives while on this earth. Our marriages are intended to be a means of accomplishing His will.

In Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, God’s words tells us, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” God knew the challenges we would face in this world, which is why He gave us one another to encourage, uplift, strengthen, and keep each other accountable. That is our job and responsibility to our spouse – to always be there to assist the other in accomplishing God’s perfect plan for their life.

Your marriage is a ministry. You are ministering to one another, and you are ministering to everyone who comes in contact with you. The world is crying out for a portrait of true love. The only form of true love was Jesus Christ’s love for God’s creation where He came to earth, lived a blameless life, ministered to the needs of others selflessly and without expectation of personal gain, died for us while we were still sinners and completely unworthy, and then rose again to offer us forgiveness, eternal life, and salvation.

While we were not able to witness that unparalleled act of unconditional love firsthand, God created a way for us to observe this kind of love every day through marriage. The perfect model of marriage is that of Christ and His church. Husbands and wives are called to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Women are to respect and support their husbands while also submitting to them as the husband submits to the Lord. Husbands are to love their wives in the way that Christ loved the church, giving up His very life for her. They are to love their wives as they love their own bodies. Ephesians 5:21-33 spells out the “secrets” to marriage, if we are just willing to listen and follow His commands.

When we love our spouse when he or she least deserves it, we are giving them a glimpse of their Heavenly Father’s love for them. It’s unconditional, undeserved, and unending. We love not to feel happy, fulfilled, or receive reciprocity. We love our spouse because that’s what we vowed to do before God, family, and friends. Don’t forget the seriousness of the vows you committed to. There were no contingency plans, strings attached, or escape clauses. Just two people doing their best to embody the love of Christ to one another. It’s not always easy, we often stumble, and there are times we fail, but always remember the goal is to love the way Christ did – before we deserved it and with his very life. In times where it seems impossible, just call on Him to carry you through.

Copyright © 2011, Foundation Restoration.  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No reproduction allowed without written permission from Foundation Restoration and/or the author.