By Ashley McIlwain

“What’s the best part about marriage?”

My husband and I were driving to our hotel after having an incredible weekend exploring Napa Valley together for our anniversary. I was feeling quite pensive reflecting on the fun we had just had together but also on all the wonderful moments we had shared together in the course of three years of being married. So, I decided to pose the question to my husband – what’s the best part about marriage for you?

Many of the best conversations my husband, Steve, and I have start with a good, in-depth question like this one. As we drove along in the dark, he took a minute to think about it, and I followed his lead. After a short pause for thinking, we entered into a wonderful conversation about each of our perspectives on marriage and our relationship. While we listed many benefits to marriage, we agreed upon three things that really stood out to us as the best part about marriage.

Vulnerability and Intimacy

There is no other relationship that yields the depth of intimacy like marriage does. It’s such an incredible and unique opportunity to know and be known in a way that is not possible outside of the marital union. The relationship between a husband and wife is one that unifies mind, body, and spirit into one. That oneness is what motivates and creates this one-of-a-kind intimacy that is so powerful.

Marriage establishes an environment where unconditional love breeds safety to become vulnerable. In turn, that vulnerability and transparency constructs profound intimacy that fulfills one of our greatest needs as human beings which is to be truly known. In most relationships we put our best foot forward. We allow people to see what we want them to see. Even in the closest of friendships and family, we are projecting the person we want others to see. We often don’t reveal all of ourselves. Marriage is the exception.

Knowing that Steve is going to love me no matter what and vice versa has brought forth an unparalleled vulnerability and ensuing intimacy between the two of us. There are things that I have shared with Steve that I could never or would never share with anyone else, and he has done the same with me. There is no one that can be trusted like my husband, and there is no one I want to know me as intimately as I want him to know me. Even when it’s scary, I know that he can be trusted with my heart. That confidence in our commitment and love for one another is a prime breeding ground for being vulnerable with one another, which brings about that intimate knowledge of each other. It’s an indescribable oneness that is out-of-this-world.

Companionship

It’s amazing to me how many people don’t enjoy being around their spouse. When given a choice between hanging with their friends or spouse, they often opt for the friends. They complain about their spouse and point out their flaws. I know it couldn’t have always been that way or they wouldn’t have chosen him/her as the one to spend the rest of their life with. Yet, somehow along the way, they lost that desire to spend time with their spouse. It breaks my heart because they are missing out on one of the best parts of marriage – companionship.

There is no one I’d rather do anything with than my husband. From running errands to embarking on an adventure together, he’s my go-to guy. We always have a blast together, and we are also a great team. He’s the pilot, and I’m the co-pilot, and we fly through life together enjoying the ride and journey. He provides an incomparable companionship that I value supremely, and I know he feels the same way about me.

We often take time to think back on moments, adventures, laughs, and obstacles shared. It’s amazing how much happens in even a year let alone a lifetime. It’s exciting to think of all that we have overcome, experienced, and created in our marriage thus far and to know that it’s just the tip of the iceberg. We have a whole lifetime to fill with more laughs, cries, obstacles, excursions, and escapades. The companionship of my husband brings forth an excitement and confidence in the future that I never experienced before.

Most people in our lives come and go. A spouse – that’s forever. And not only is a spouse the perfect best friend, but they know you better and more intimately than anyone else ever could. It’s undeniable; a spouse brings a companionship that is rivaled by no one.

To be Better

Something I love about marriage is that it constantly makes me strive to be a better person. My husband is the most incredible husband in the world (yes, I really feel that way), and he deserves nothing short of the best wife in the world. While I am far from perfect though, I want to constantly be a work in progress. I never want to think I’ve done enough as a wife or a person for that matter. No, there is always something I can improve upon, tweak, or update about myself to be the best wife possible for him.

Complacency is, in my opinion, one of the biggest reasons so many marriages fall apart. We grow complacent in our marriage and our role as a spouse. We stop working to be the best version of us possible. We stop working to win the affections of our spouse. As a result, they do the same, and the marriage begins to die. The love disappears. The fun goes out the window. The connection turns into estrangement. We lose what made us fall in love. We forget the promises we made.

“Love doesn’t sit there like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; re-made every day, made new.”  ~ Unknown

Each day your marriage needs tending too, and a big part of that is tending to yourself. Find motivation and inspiration to always work on being the best you can be. How can I improve? How can I better meet the needs of my spouse? What can I work on to improve upon my marriage?  Those are questions I like to ask myself. It’s easy to point out improvements we want for our spouse to make, but how often do we look at what we can improve in ourselves? God’s Word tells us to work on the log in our own eye before pointing out the splinter in another’s (Matthew 7:3-5). That’s true for marriage as well.

I chose my husband. Out of all the men in the world, he is the one I selected. He alone stole my heart and my affections. He caught my eye, and I opted to spend the rest of my life with him. There are many reasons why, none of which I want to forget about just because the years go by. I don’t want to take my husband for granted but rather constantly expand upon the reasons I fell in love with him in the first place. For that reason I too want to give him more and more reasons to fall in love with me over and over again every day by constantly working at being a better person and wife for him.

Marriage is like a mirror. It shows us so much about ourselves – good, bad, and ugly. We just have to be willing to look. There are few other relationships that allot us such an opportunity. And while it can be painful and difficult to see and admit to our weaknesses and faults, there is nothing like working through those alongside someone who has pledged to love us for better and worse. There’s also no better reason to work through them than for our spouse and our marriage. What a wonderful benefit of marriage.

What is the best part of marriage? Companionship, someone with whom you can be vulnerable and intimate with like none other, someone who spurs you onward to be the best you can be … those are just a few of the innumerably wonderful parts of a marriage that my husband and I came up with. Personally, being married is the greatest experience of my life. Despite the ups and downs and challenges you face as two people forging the road to oneness amidst the chaos of life, the negative is far out shadowed by all of the spectacular benefits of marriage. Truly, every part of marriage is the best part … if you ask me.

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