By Steve McIlwain

Hubs here.

I have a co-worker that has developed his own credo; a set of values that he strives to achieve at work.  He designed them from a deep desire to be the best he can be and consistently endeavor to improve.  One of the principles in his credo is “shock and awe, daily.”  He wants to do jaw-droppingly, fantastic things at work every single day.  Admittedly, that’s an ambitious undertaking.  Can you really shock and awe people every single day?  Isn’t that incredibly exhausting?  Do people even care?  Definitely level-minded questions, yet still, he constantly works to live that out each day.  From getting someone a cup of coffee to designing the most comprehensive strategic plan ever conceived, every single day he works to provide the shock and awe factor.

His concept got me thinking to use the same idea on marriage.  Can you really shock and awe your spouse daily (in a good way)?  Isn’t that exhausting (I already have a full-time job)?  Is that really necessary?  All fantastic, reasonable questions.  Yet at the same time you have to admit, how much better would our marriages be if we all consistently and passionately worked to shock and awe our spouses every single day?

Shock and awe doesn’t necessarily have to be something huge.  The goal is to provide love to our spouse in new and unique ways.  At first glance the term “shock and awe” doesn’t seem to include tiny, menial tasks.  However, when I consider that making the bed or emptying the dishwasher (two tasks Ash does constantly) can be just as meaningful as a surprise gift, the shock and awe factor of simplicity comes into focus.

When applying this concept to your marriage, search high and low for ideas.  You don’t have to use hot air balloons, marching bands, or sky writing (although that would be cool) every time.  You can do basic household chores (that you don’t normally do), buy or make a simple card, or pick up a small gift like flowers, balloons, or candy.  Basically, think of the stuff you would have done for your girlfriend/boyfriend in 7th grade.  As lame and cheesy as it sounds, I can’t tell you how excited I get when Ash buys me Big League Chew.

While smaller items do express love powerfully, sometimes you need to think bigger than emptying the trash or mowing the lawn.  Sometimes you need to get crazy big with ideas to express your love, have some fun, and show your spouse just how much you love them!  This does not question your love if you’re not the marching band type, but you’ve gotta admit, it’s a pretty cool thing for your wife to see her name on the scoreboard at a professional baseball game.  Think big, have some fun, and express love to your spouse in exciting, larger-than-life ways.

Shock and awe in a marriage is a two-way street.  Ideally, both spouses should be working to provide this type of love and appreciation.  If one spouse is doing all the giving and one spouse is doing all the receiving, it creates an unfair imbalance, and the giver will run out of steam.  Additionally, this concept needs to apply to you as a couple: some ladies don’t want to be proposed to in front of thousands of people, and some men don’t feel comfortable singing My Heart Will Go On at a karaoke bar.  Make sure you know your spouse and understand the types of things they will receive as love, appreciation, and/or admiration.  Sure, there may be some slight embarrassment and discomfort involved (all in the name of love), but make sure you’re not putting your spouse in an uncomfortable position.

The success of your marriage is not defined by the shock and awe factor.  Marriage isn’t a contest of which spouse or couple can do the best, biggest, and most over the top acts of love.  But doggonit, sometimes you just gotta express love to your spouse in larger-than-life ways.  Sometimes you need to sweep your sweetie off their feet all over again.  Sometimes you need to express love through simple, authentic acts of adoration.  Whether large or small, make shock and awe a regular part of your marriage.

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