For Better or Worse

For better or worse.

I clearly remember standing before God, family, friends, our pastor, and my handsome groom vowing to love him for better or worse, among other things. It’s funny though how in the moment you can easily imagine and commit to the “for better” part, but you selectively disregard the “or worse” portion.

Of course I had thought long and hard about what I was vowing to do and be. Marriage wasn’t something I took lightly, and I had made sure to prepare myself as thoroughly as possible for all that marriage really entailed. Or so I thought.

The truth is that you can never fully prepare for a situation until you are smack dab in the middle of it. Not that premarital counseling, soul searching, and heart-to-hearts with your fiancé are worthless because I adamantly advocate for just the opposite. That’s not what I am saying. What I am saying though, is that marriage gives you the opportunity to take your spoken vows and put them to action.

It’s easy to say your vows, but it’s harder to live them out. On your wedding day, you aren’t exactly envisioning those “for worse” parts; I know I wasn’t. You naturally gravitate toward picturing the “happily ever after” ending rather than the “how in the world are we ever going to figure this one out?” ending. At the end of the day though, you vowed for better and for worse.

It reminds me of when people are younger and act recklessly because they feel invincible. Death and the harsh realities of this world evade them as they drive carelessly or behave irresponsibly. Sometimes the nonchalant attitude toward life is intentional and other times it is unintentional. Regardless, there is a lack on comprehension as to the value of life because the brevity of it isn’t fully appreciated or understood when we are younger.

Many times when a bride and groom stand up before their witnesses making a lifelong covenant to one another, they aren’t fully understanding or anticipating what that truly means or entails. They gladly accept the “for better,” “for richer,” and “in health” portions, but keep their fingers crossed that they don’t really have to deal with the “or worse,” “for poorer,” or “in sickness” stuff. How many times have you seen someone bail on their marriage when one of those less fortunate circumstances arises, and someone is put to the test with the commitment they made?

Here’s the deal, we have to take the good with the bad, the pretty with the ugly, and the living high with scraping bottom. If we don’t plan on doing that, then we shouldn’t enter into the marriage covenant swearing that we will until the day we die. It’s as simple as that.

I know, I know – if only I knew the situation. I don’t need to. The marriage covenant, as defined by God and committed to by you, is straightforward. There are no shades of gray with this one. That’s just the reality. If there are shades of gray for you, then you should spell those out in your vows, or truthfully, rethink the whole concept of marriage.

It sounds harsh, but it needs to be said because being more concerned with offending people than looking out for their well being has gotten us where we are today. Enough with the mediocre commitments to marriages of convenience and self-serving agendas. I’ve had it with people who ignore the severity of the sacred covenant they enter into, sending the message to their children and the world that marriages are just some casual agreement we enter into and jump ship on at the first sign of difficulty. As a result we are seeing a complete deterioration of families, communities, and societies.

People everywhere have become cynics, critics, and skeptics of what should be a holy, blessed union between two people. Marriage has become a societal joke that isn’t leaving many people laughing. This half-hearted approach to marriage that so many are content to take is a tragedy that is obviously leaving devastation in its wake. We have to wake up and start getting serious about our marriage covenant – vowing that, come what may, it’s until death do us part.

While I adore my husband and cherish our marriage; it’s not perfect. No marriage is. It’s a work-in-progress. My husband and I both work tirelessly each and every day to be the best spouse possible for one another. We have lots of conversations, discussions, and disagreements. Prayer is an absolute daily necessity. Grace and forgiveness are constants. And there are plenty of times we both sit there staring at one another without a clue how we are going to solve the problem at hand. Those are some of the “for worse” moments.

Those tough, impossible, and challenging times are what make the “for better” part of our marriage all the better. Despite popular belief, marriage is worth every ounce of effort, pain, discomfort, and work you could possibly put into it. It’s the most blessed gift I’ve ever been given, and I know who gave it to me. God gave me my husband, and if I want Him to bless it and help us to keep it thriving, then I need to bless Him through my marriage by honoring the covenant I made with Him and my husband.

Marriage is the most incredible thing we have been given. Yet, so many times, it is tossed aside like an out-of-date electronic or toy we are bored with. We give ourselves the benefit of the doubt but then believe and assume the worst about our spouse. We treat our marriages like they are some sort of self-service station that we just take and take from instead of give and give to. This “for better” only mentality that is reaching endemic proportions in so many minds today will only lead to failure, disappointment, heartbreak, loneliness, and the disintegration of families, communities, and societies.

If we want that fairytale ending that so many people yearn for, then we have to fight for it each and every day. We have to pray hard, work hard, give hard, and love hard. It takes the for-better-or-worse, no-one’s-giving-up-or-getting-out-of-this-one, ‘til-death-do-us-part, let’s-spend-our-lives-out-loving-one-another mindset to not only make your marriage last a lifetime but be as fulfilling and rewarding as God designed it to be.

Copyright © 2011, Foundation Restoration.  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No reproduction allowed without written permission from Foundation Restoration and/or the author.