Photo compliments of Jessica Lorren Photography

If marriage is already your life or in the future, getting a peek into thoughts of married couples can always be useful. Even if your wedding day is far into the future, preparing yourself for a lifetime of marriage is present in your every day actions. Recently I spoke with three husband and wife duos who answered some of my questions about themselves and their relationships with each other. Though these couples have been through some rocky times, they have learned from their differences and have grown in the process.

Here is a little more information about these married duos:

John and Veronica Griffith have been married for 5 ½ years and have 2 children; Ethan and Isabella. John is a Deputy with LA County, and Veronica is a home engineer. I chose the Griffiths because I have watched them date, get married, and make a family together. Their marriage is a great example to me, and they have used their relationship to influence others in our church’s youth ministry.

Gerry and Debby Chaddick have been married for 31 years. Gerry is a minister, and Debby is a teacher. They have 2 sons, Ryan and Kyle and also a daughter-in-law. I chose the Chaddicks because of their humor and zest for life. They have also guided me on a trip to London and Scotland where I was able to see a different dynamic to their marriage.

Jeff and Candice Rhea have been married for almost 10 years and have 2 children; Taryn and Teagan. Jeff is a Deputy Sheriff, and Candice is a Sign-Language Interpreter and Homeschool Educator. I chose this couple because of their passion for others in our church’s young adult ministry. Candice was also my Sunday school teacher growing up, and she and Jeff have been my leaders in children’s church and youth ministry.

Each of these couples has had a positive influence on my views about marriage, and their thoughts on doing life together are what I want to share.

Q:What is something you and your spouse believe is the most important thing or action to continuously work on?          

A: “One thing we try to do often is go on a date just the two of us, no kids.” –Veronica Griffith

“Finding new ways to continuously show love, commitment and respect is what we work on. As individuals change, communication regarding these issues is imperative.”  –Gerry & Debby Chaddick

Q: Name some of the difficulties of being married and how you deal with them.

A: “Finances has been difficult for us, but we have dealt with that by trusting God and also  reading financial books on how to get out of debt. Another has been having kids and forgetting to still spend quality time together. To deal with this, we set up date nights without the kids.” –John Griffith

“Bringing two separate lives and opinions together; talking through them and compromising.”  –Jeff & Candice Rhea

Q: What are some things you wish you knew before you had gotten married?

A: “That you have to work for the romance and that it doesn’t just happen.” – Jeff & Candice Rhea

“I am still learning how to constantly romance my wife. We both work at that. We both  thought we understood the impact extended family (and their issues) could have on a couple. We didn’t…but we do now.” –Gerry Chaddick

“I wish I would of known/realized how unselfish you have to be in a marriage. If I knew that  starting out, it would of saved lots of selfish acts on my part.” –John Griffith

Q: Is there anything you wanted to do before you got married and had children?

A: “We wanted to travel more before we had children, but we really didn’t have the finances to do  that; so we had babies.” –Veronica Griffith

Q: What is your favorite thing about being married and why?

A: “Companionship; because everything is better with your best friend.” –Jeff & Candice Rhea

Q: Name experiences that have made you grow as a spouse and as a couple.

A: “Having children has made us grow as a couple. I have also fallen more in love with Veronica because of how she loves and takes care of our children.” –John Griffith

“Each of us growing as an individual is key. Communicating through illnesses, surgeries, death, births, life-events will either bring you together or crush you. Openness is crucial.  Keeping an open heart and being generous with forgiveness is paramount.” –Gerry & Debby Chaddick

Q: What do you believe makes a marriage last?

A: “Commitment to God and each other no matter what.” –Jeff & Candice Rhea

“First, I believe that you have to enter a marriage with both people on the same page. This marriage is forever; ‘til death parts us! Not another person or a fight or money or anything  else. Second, spending time together in some form — either talking, going on dates, a dinner, a drive etc.. Third, is listening to each other. You need to listen to your spouse, what each  of the other’s needs are, and how are you going to act on it.” –Veronica Griffith

Q: What is your advice to those whom are single?

A: “Take your time. We don’t believe there is only one soul mate for each individual on the  planet. Wait until you find someone you are best friends with, and you share most things in common. Compatibility and friendship are the foundations for enduring and lasting love and commitment.” –Gerry & Debby Chaddick

“Don’t date for fun, only invest your time in possible marriage companions.” –Jeff & Candice Rhea

“I would tell single people to read and learn what the Bible instructs about marriage, and to also read books on marriage.  The best way to learn is from other people’s mistakes.” –John Griffith

Q: How would you advise a dating couple to talk about a serious future? 

A: “We believe in pre-marital counseling from a trained counselor that can mediate and help the couple talk about their similarities and differences. The couple needs to talk about the future, memories, expectations, understand the separate families, budget, children, politics, religion, etc. The more they tackle these issues before marriage, the more prepared they are. We would also advise open and honest communication regarding sex and sexual activities from the past and what is expected in the future.” –Gerry & Debby Chaddick

“Be real and be yourself. When your relationship is ready, talk about anything and everything you can think of.” –Jeff & Candice Rhea

Q: If you could tell a single/dating person to do one thing to prepare themselves for a relationship/marriage, what would it be and why?

A: “If you have debt, get it paid off before getting married, stressing about money as newlyweds is no fun.” –John Griffith

“Prepare for the unexpected, be flexible and be prepared to forgive.” –Jeff & Candice Rhea

“Be sure you know who you are before marrying. Set your goals, dreams and values high and don’t compromise. Go ahead and make dreams come true: travel, engage in hobbies, be  free…” –Gerry & Debby Chaddick

Hopefully these questions and answers have helped you see a different side of marriage. These married couples gave some sound advice and opinions that I hope you take away from reading this article. I value what each of them had to say and have also been given a bit more clarity into what life after saying, “I do,” will be like for me one day. Marriage has many doors and hallways, and it should be considered a blessing to have a glance into another marriage.

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