By Ashley McIlwain

You’re sitting at a restaurant and can’t help but notice the family sitting at a table nearby. The kids are playing games on their iPads and gaming devices oblivious to the world around them. The mom and dad are completely engrossed in something on their phones not paying attention to their kids or each other. It’s as if the world surrounding them doesn’t exist.

This is not the picture of family dinners that I remember. That’s for sure. Growing up my family and I all sat down for a proper meal when my dad got home from work. We said grace together, talked about our days, and made plans. It was an event that I looked forward to every night.

Nowadays though with a combination of crazier schedules and a swarm of technology, it seems quality time with loved ones is a thing of the past. Look, I get it. I too have a smart phone that tempts me with emails, social media, games, and all sorts of apps all day, every day. It’s not that all of these gadgets are a bad thing or that being involved in a lot of activities is unacceptable, but it’s when they begin controlling your life that there is a problem.

Suddenly the things that were supposed to help streamline, aide, and enrich your everyday living begin to take over your life. You cannot not be on your phone or computer. It’s like you are hooked up to an apparatus of technology that, if disconnected from you will keel over. You are so involved with so many things that you don’t even enjoy any of them. Life is one big checklist of to-do’s.

You stop living your life because you are so distracted from your life. This is a real problem with people, marriages, and families today. Everyone is so entangled in the chaos of busyness and status updates that their real life, complete with the people and things that really matter, is breezing by unnoticed and unappreciated.

Unplug

Again, I understand the lure of technology and both appreciate and utilize it myself, but there is a time and place for it. At the office when you are trying to take notes for a meeting, make an important phone call, send out pressing emails … these are all appropriate uses for your gadgets. I don’t think how we use our devices is the issue though; it’s when.

Technology has blurred the lines of our work lives and personal lives. Just because you can get that email and respond to it after you leave the office doesn’t mean you should. Sit down with your family and come up with boundaries about the use of technology. For example, the parents may agree that there will be no vocational tasks done after they get home from the office, and the kids may only use their phones and computers for thirty minutes each evening after dinner. It’s up to you as a family to decide what boundaries are realistic and fair.

Free yourself from the notion that you must be reachable at all times. That every email must be responded to within the hour. That just because someone calls, you have to answer. For thousands of years before all of this technology existed, that wasn’t the standard held, so don’t take that burden on. Be reasonable about your communications, but don’t get so caught up in being accessible to the world that you become inaccessible to your family and those most important to you. Those are the people that you should always be there for. The bottom line is that there must be times when you all unplug from your gadgets, and plug into your time as a family.

Restart

The reality of life is that there is never enough time; you have to make it. When you reach the end of your work day, there is always going to be a list of tasks still demanding your attention. There’s always going to be another birthday party, event, meeting, or volunteer opportunity. At home, you’re most likely going to consistently have some household chore needing your consideration. That’s the world we live in – constant, overcommitted, and demanding.

At the heart of the matter is not whether or not there’s going to be something pulling you its way. There will always be a plethora of those opportunities and demands waiting (not so patiently or courteously) for you. The issue becomes what decisions you make about the chaos calling (or more likely screaming) your name. You have to set boundaries choosing to prioritize the things and people in your life. God first, family second, and the rest to follow. Whatever is on your plate, it’s up to you to plan for and manage it according to its importance.

Just because your boss tells you that your work is the most important thing doesn’t mean it is. Just because the other moms are giving you the evil eye because your store bought cupcakes aren’t as dazzling as their homemade crème brulees for your kids’ bake sale doesn’t make keeping up with them the most pressing thing. Just because someone gives you a guilt trip for not signing up for that event doesn’t make you the worst friend or person ever.

Your family is a top priority, and while all of those “extras” out there can be great things, they can’t interfere with the love, time, and attention you give your family. So, sometimes you need to say, “No.” You might have to forego a thing or two or limit your involvement with them. There are times you may have to cut a few corners, but you will never regret pressing the reset button to make time for your family. They are the best decision you can make.

The truth is that there are a lot of great (and not so great) things out there pushing and pulling us in every direction possible. It’s easy to get caught in the undertow of it all. Technology dependence and an overcommitted schedule have a nearly overpowering current, and it’s easy to succumb to their control. Before we know it, we are swept out to sea, and our lives are a distant island we can barely see and aren’t sure how to get back to.

That’s why it’s important to unplug and press the reset button from time to time. The goal is to actually enjoy the life we’ve been blessed with. To maximize and savor the precious moments and memories with our loved ones. To make the most of every minute of our fleeting life. Don’t allow yourself to get distracted from your real life, or you will miss out on all of the laughter, joy, and fulfillment of what this brief stint on earth is really about.

Copyright © 2012, Foundation Restoration.  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No reproduction allowed without written permission from Foundation Restoration and/or the author.