The fourth and final of the Four Horsemen is stonewalling. In his book The Marriage Clinic, Gottman defines stonewalling as occurring "when the listener withdraws from the interaction" (p.46). In other terms, stonewalling is when one person shuts down and closes himself/herself off from the other. It is a lack of responsiveness to your spouse
The third of the Four Horsemen is contempt. Contempt is defined by Gottman in The Marriage Clinic as "any statement or nonverbal behavior that puts oneself on a higher plane than one's partner" (p.45). More simply stated – it's an "I'm better than you" attitude. Contempt is viewed as the most dangerous of the Four
The second of the Four Horsemen is defensiveness. Gottman defines defensiveness in The Marriage Clinic as "any attempt to defend oneself from a perceived attack" (p.44). A more practical definition I like to use is placing the blame on the other person and not accepting personal responsibility. As I mentioned in The Four Horsemen:
There is a very renowned author by the name of John M. Gottman, Ph.D. who has written many books and done extensive research on couples. From his studies, one of his best known concepts that has been utilized to help many couples is what he calls The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. He says that
Hubs here. Do more. Be better. Work harder. Almost every day we feel this pressure from society, work, families, friends, and ourselves. Within marriage the seemingly un-relenting cycle of cooking, laundry, cleaning, and yard work coupled with adding special touches for your spouse such as planning date night, creating a weekend getaway, buying a special
When you hear the word “dating,” you probably think of it within the context of pursuing a spouse. Dinner and a movie, small talk, and sorting through the pros and cons of potential lifelong suitors. Dating is not only for single folks looking for a spouse though. In fact, that’s just the beginning. Marriage and
I can’t put my finger on why it is exactly, but my husband always lifts my spirit and makes my day. Literally, I could be having the worst day in the history of worst days, and all I need is a little dose of the hubs. On the happiest, brightest of days, he still manages
Being A Better Boyfriend … To My Wife! by Bubba Cathy Foreword by Ashley McIlwain: Let me start by saying that, I absolutely love Chick-fil-A! It was one of my late grandfather’s favorite culinary treats, and let’s just say that I have proudly carried on his tradition of eating there as often as possible. Their
Hubs here. “I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” Jeremiah 29:11 (The Message) You are exactly where you need to be. Do you believe that? Good, bad, happy, sad, exciting, boring … whatever stage your life is at; you
Simply Nesting by Ashley McIlwain It can be tough to turn something you are good at into something profitable, especially when also balancing being a wife and mom. That’s exactly what my friend and entrepreneur, Sara Larsen has done though. Having a knack for being creative and crafty, Sara decided to take her God-given gifts
