By Ashley McIlwain
September thirteenth was Steve’s and my fifth wedding anniversary. Everyone says it will, but it’s still hard to believe how quickly that time has flown by. In a blink of an eye, we’ve found ourselves five years in, celebrating the love we’ve shared, the memories we’ve created, and the commitment we’ve held firmly to. While I know that five years is just a drop in the bucket compared to the lifetime ahead of us, it’s still a big occasion that we are excited to commemorate.
Five years. Five years of laughing, talking, discussing, adjusting, adapting, growing, creating, establishing, and working. Five years of love, joy, memories, and moments. Five years of blessings, adventures, and excitement.
Over the course of Steve’s and my marriage, I’ve learned so much about myself, love, life, and marriage. Truly I can say that the past five years have been the best of my life. It’s not always been easy or perfect, but it’s been worth every ounce of effort. My worst day with Steve is still better than the best day without him.
What makes marriage so wonderful? Well, I thought I’d share with you all my list of just some of the things I love and value most about marriage from my own experience.
A Glimpse of God
I’ve always believed in the importance of marriage and that it is a gift from God, but my relationship with my husband has proved this to be true. The way he loves me despite my flaws and failures gives me a glimpse into how my Heavenly Father loves me. Loving him in all seasons and circumstances is a blessing and an opportunity. Even better is realizing that the Holy Spirit is always available to help us be the husband and wife God desires us to be when we aren’t humanly capable of it.
Marriage is a taste of heaven. When we choose to love one another with a Christ-like love, when we forgive and show grace, when we pray for and encourage one another, and when we honor our vows, we demonstrate the Father’s love to one another. Our greatest ministry is our marriage because it communicates God’s love to our spouse, and it demonstrates His love to the world.
It’s Worth It
When you take two totally different people from two totally different worlds and combine them into one, you’re bound to face some challenges and obstacles. The goal isn’t to have smooth sailing, but rather, to brave the seas together. That’s part of the journey and the adventure.
Obstacles in marriage are what strengthen and unite a couple. Steve and I’s relationship always reaches new depths during the most challenging of times. Those difficult moments are what breed intimacy, vulnerability, communication, and love. We’ve discovered that issues in our marriage are like a gym; they build our marital muscles. No matter how tough the situation, big the issue, or challenging the resolution, I have learned that it’s always worth it.
Better Together
Highs and lows, good and bad, happy and sad, I would choose my life with Steve any day over life without him. Life with him is just better in every way. He makes me a better person, and I make him a better person. Together we bring out the best in one another and in life.
Together we face obstacles head on. Together we solve problems. Together we enjoy adventures. Together we shares laughs and make memories. Together we pray for God’s wisdom and guidance. Together we navigate our future. Together we are better, stronger, and happier.
Love isn’t What I Thought
In my mind I knew that love wasn’t just a casual feeling that comes and goes. I knew it wasn’t the romanticized, lust-filled picture painted by Hollywood. I knew it was more than that, but I didn’t really understand what love was until I got married.
Thankfully I’ve come to discover and appreciate that love definitely isn’t a feeling. Sure this makes it tough when you don’t feel in love to still choose to love your spouse, but with that reality comes a comforting truth that it runs much deeper and is much steadier than some fickle emotion. We don’t have to worry about simply falling in and out of love helplessly. It’s like an ocean storm. On the surface the water is in turmoil with waves crashing, and it seems there’s no control over where you will be tossed and thrown, but deep beneath the surface the water remains steady and still, unchanged by the fleeting storm. True love is like that; steady and steadfast despite life’s storms because it’s so deeply anchored.
Love is a choice. It’s a decision and a commitment that is uninfluenced by temporary circumstances and situations. It runs deep and is tethered in certainty. That choice to love one another no matter what is what makes marriage so special and unique.
My Husband is a Treasure
There is nothing in this world I’ve been gifted with that has as high of value as my husband. There’s no earthly possession, no job or success, no goal or achievement that is as praiseworthy or prized as my husband. God has blessed me with His handiwork in my husband, and he is both a treasure and a responsibility.
I believe that we will stand before God one day and account for how we cared for, nurtured, treated, and loved our spouse. Regardless of their actions, we are responsible for ours. God has entrusted my husband into my care, and I want to ensure I do everything in my power to wisely cherish him. When I stand before God, I want Him to say, “Well done my good and faithful servant!” And I want my husband to feel that he is cherished, adored, and appreciated … to feel like the precious child of God that he is.
Five years certainly isn’t an eternity, but it’s a great start. It’s long enough to know that my husband is a treasure, and our marriage is a gift. It’s long enough to know that I married the man of my dreams, and I pray I continually work to be the woman of his. It’s long enough to know marrying Steve was the best decision of my life, and I will continue to make decisions that choose him and our marriage. It’s long enough to know that my marriage to Steve is the greatest thing that could have happened to me.
So, happy 5 year anniversary to the love of my life, Steve! May God always guide, direct, and bless us throughout our lifetime together! May our marriage always honor Him, and may He continually renew our love and commitment to Him and to each other! You are my treasure and the greatest blessing of my life! I love you sweetheart!!!
I found the one my heart loves. I held him and would not let him go … –Song of Songs 3:4
Copyright © 2013, Foundation Restoration. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No reproduction allowed without written permission from Foundation Restoration and/or the author.
What a beautiful anniversary gift this message must be for Steve! Happy Anniversay to the two of you. Cheers to 20 more “5-year” anniversaries!!! xo
Thank you so, so much Delta! That really means a lot to us!! xo
Your words always make me smile and inspire me to be the very best wife I can be. I wish EVERYONE would follow you and this ministry because it’s a beautiful gift! I just shared this with Jerad (as I always do) and he smiled and said, “That’s right baby!” He loves listening to me read what you and Steve have to share. Congrats to you guys on your 5 years and wishes and prayers for many, many more!
Kristen, your comment means so much to me! This just blessed my socks off in so many ways, and I cannot thank you enough for your kind and encouraging words! Thank you so, so much! I pray that you and Jerad experience a blessed, love-filled, and abundant marriage with God at the center of it! I know for me, I thank God daily for Steve and for the wonderful marriage God has helped us to enjoy!
What a wonderful article and an amazing testament to marriage and how blessed you are. I am so proud of you!
Erin, thank you so, so much! God has been so faithful and good to us, and I give Him all of the praise!
Happy anniversary Ashley!! Amazing article!! These past 5 years have been the best of my life. I love our adventures together: the exciting times, the challenges times, and everything in between. I can’t wait for all the years ahead!! I love you!!!