By Steve McIlwain

Hubs here.

Love is a lot of things to a lot of people.  For some it’s a lifetime.  For some it’s right now.  For some it’s until it doesn’t work anymore.  Our culture tells us that love is a fleeting sensation with an open exit door available whenever it fades.  The idea of love blankets every single society on the planet yet a singular definition of the term seems elusive.

What does love mean in marriage?  Blindly supporting your spouse?  Always speaking the truth no matter how hurtful?  Constantly giving up what you want so they can have what they want?  Countless marriages fail because they can’t find the magic balance and eventually their relationship deteriorates.

Oftentimes the failure of love is only seen on a grand scale: the husband that leaves his wife during her bout with cancer, the wife that leaves her husband who can’t keep a job, or the parents that divorce because their ideas of raising children are just too different.  Also, small annoyances can morph into grading patterns that result in a combustible explosion.  The hurt and pain of these grand scale moments become simply overwhelming.  At that point either closing yourself down to your own wants/needs or walking away from your marriage are seemingly your only options.

But while these complicated issues take center stage, love is also quite simple: patient, kind, never gives up, doesn’t keep score, isn’t always “me first,” looks for the best, keeps going.  Sometimes the most overwhelming demonstration of love is in the smallest nuance or unseen moment.

Maybe your marriage doesn’t need a complete overhaul.  Maybe you don’t need a paradigm shift on your perspective.  Rather, perhaps you just need a slight nudge or a small tweak.  Maybe you just need a reminder that love can actually be fairly simple: kindness, patience, selflessness, truthful, trusting, hopeful, and persevering.  Your mind and relationship may have convinced you that these items are convoluted and complex, but sometimes you do yourself an injustice by overcomplicating these simple principles.

“But you don’t get it; he’s so rude.”  “She’s just too hard to deal with.”  “He only cares about himself.”  “She sees the worst in everything I do.”  Believe me, I understand: marriage is difficult, even excruciating.  But at the end of the day, you are not called to judge your spouse; you are called to love them.  You are their helpmate, their support, and their inspiration.  Your role is to love and support them regardless of the situation; don’t overcomplicate that.

As always, this is not an excuse to allow bad habits, poor decisions, or destructive behavior.  Sometimes difficult conversations absolutely need to happen for realization and growth.  Maybe you have to trudge through miles of mud together to fix your issues.  That can be a painful, excruciating, and long road.  But don’t be misled; through that journey your job is still to provide love and support … even to an unlovable or unrespectable spouse.

I encourage you to grasp the simplicity of love.  Life has a way of making love and relationships convoluted.  And while you may face complex and entangled issues, don’t lose sight of how simple the heart of love truly is: kind, patient, caring, honoring, slow to anger, trusting, and hopeful.  Inscribe those guiding ideals on the tablet of your heart.  Immerse your spouse in a sea of simple love.  Sometimes the hardest things are really the easiest things.  And sometimes all love needs is a little simplicity.

Copyright © 2013, Foundation Restoration.  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No reproduction allowed without written permission from Foundation Restoration and/or the author.