By Jeff Klick, Ph.D.

Continued fromPractical Family Discipleship Tools: Getting Started.

Husband

Paul stated in 1 Corinthians 7:32-34 that once you are married you no longer live your life for yourself. There is now a spouse to consider, and this will radically change how you will live the rest of your days on earth. Marriage is a tremendous blessing as well as one of hardest jobs in the world in which to excel. The Apostle Paul gives detailed instructions regarding marriage in Ephesians 5:22-33.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,  so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.  In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.  

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”  This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.  However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

While not necessarily politically correct in our day, this is nonetheless the Word of God and must be considered prayerfully by every Christian married disciple. Beyond the specific instructions on how a marriage should function – husband’s loving their wives by laying down their lives for them daily, and wives making sure they respect their imperfect husbands – some key insight is given into discipleship.

Husbands should be helping to sanctify their spouse by making sure she is “washed in the Word of God.” The “in the same way” part of this Scripture passage gives insight for the husband on how to help disciple his wife. This may be intimidating to some men due to the wives being older in the Lord or perhaps not very receptive to the husbands leading, but the command is still there. Men are to learn to die for their wife, just as Christ did for the Church, and men are to make sure the Word of God is central in their homes.

Making the Lord the center of the home is a daily decision and a never-ending process. What currently dominates your home? The TV, FaceBook, sports, or Christ? Husbands must be men of the Word in order to share the Scripture in their homes – Jesus said that out of the abundance of our hearts our mouths speak (Matthew 12:34), what is coming out of our mouths?

Making changes is not impossible, but must be a willful decision if they are to occur. If most meals are eaten together, (which they should be if they are not) then this time allows the husband to lead in a prayer of thankfulness for the food and for the One that made it. In addition, this time could be used to bring up a discussion about what was read in your private devotions or perhaps what you believe God has shown you during the day. Open-ended questions could be asked about a particular verse of Scripture or some potential problem the two of you are facing. Open ended means a question that cannot simply be answered with yes or no answer. These types of questions are more of the “what” or “why” type questions. “Why do you think God allowed this to happen to Joe and Mary?” Or, “What do you think God is trying to tell us in reference to my job situation?”

You don’t have to reinvent the wheel or be super creative. Try suggesting reading a book or listening to/watching a Christ-honoring program together and then discussing it. With the advent of the internet, there are unlimited resources available for you to consider if it is your desire to help your spouse grow in spiritual maturity. Biblically, husbands must take the lead in discipleship, and God will give you the ideas and grace to do so, if you will ask Him for it.

Another factor to consider is the tremendous power that is released by praying together with your wife.

Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. Matthew 18:19

A husband that leads his wife in consistent prayer will increase her respect for him exponentially. Prayer allows for a deeper level of communication and will help to center the home in Christ. Even if the wife is not comfortable praying aloud, or for that matter the husband either, praying together will help both grow spiritually. It may be awkward at first, but the comfort level will come, and the home will change under the husbands’ leadership.

Discipleship may happen by chance, but it has a far greater potential to happen with a plan. If you seek the Lord about your responsibility and prayerfully ask Him for direction, He will give it. God brought your spouse into your life for a reason and part of that reason was for you to care for her, nurture her, and help her grow in spiritual maturity.

Wife:

A wife plays a crucial role in helping her husband grow and mature in the Lord (discipleship). She has the ability to build him up and help him become a strong man of God, or to destroy him. Solomon, who knew a little bit about wives, states it this way:

The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down. Proverbs 14:1

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones. Proverbs 12:4

Proverbs also states, “Life and death are in the power of the tongue,” (Proverbs 18:21) and a wise wife will understand that what she says to her husband will help or hinder his maturing. If the wife is older in the Lord, she should encourage her husband’s growth by gently sharing insights she has learned from the Lord and encouraging any efforts the husband displays in spiritual leadership. The principle is to fan into flame any spark, not to pour water on it because it is small. The wise wife will praise and encourage her husband when he leads in prayer or Bible study and resist the temptation to comment about how immature or short it may have been. Husbands often have fragile egos, and they need their wife’s support not criticism. Men do not like to be “slapped” or put down by their wife’s comments and will often retreat into work, sports, or hobbies when they do not feel respected.

If the wife is younger in the Lord, she should encourage her husband by asking him questions and thus helping him to reinforce his leadership role. Something rises up in a man when he feels like he is fulfilling the role of being the leader, and this will spur additional desire for growth. A wise wife will help her husband become the man of God she desires rather than tear him down verbally.

In addition, the wife needs to be careful when discussing her husband with others. She will “bring shame” to him by exposing him to ridicule or by not protecting his reputation. Solomon stated that this will result in “rottenness to the bones,” and this is an apt picture.  When a man finds out that his wife is talking about him behind his back to others, he feels undermined and the foundation is attacked. Bones hold the frame of our body up and by shaming her husband, she is causing damage to the structure. If she is complaining about his lack of leadership or perhaps some personal fault, once he knows that he is the subject of the discussion with others, all motivation to change has been lost. Love covers a multitude of sins and so will a wise wife. The husband that trusts in his wife will grow into a much better leader than the one that does not.

If both husband and wife will seek to be mature and to continue to grow in their own discipleship, they will ultimately end up assisting their spouse. The husband and the wife play a major role in the discipleship process to one another, and when a child arrives, the roles even expand.

All Scripture references are from the ESV  – English Standard Version

You can read Part 1 of Practical Family Discipleship Tools: Getting Started by clicking here.

Check back tomorrow for Part 3 of Practical Family Discipleship Tools: Families.

Copyright © 2012, Foundation Restoration.  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No reproduction allowed without written permission from Foundation Restoration and/or the author.

Pastor Jeff Klick is the founder and Pastor of Hope Family Fellowship with the focus on restoring the family to health. He holds a Masters Degree in Pastoral Ministry, A Doctorate Degree in Biblical Studies, and a Ph.D. in Pastoral Ministry and has written 2 books geared to assist families. Pastor Jeff also assists new church plants through the Association of the Restoration of Church and Home, and 4FIC, a new ministry to assist family-integrated churches. For more information please visit his website –http://www.jeffklick.com or his church website –www.hopefamilyfellowship.org