By Ashley McIlwain

As I get older, I’m realizing that life seems to only get busier and busier. The list of to dos grows longer and longer no matter how many things I cross off. Like a ball of snow down a steep mountain, the pressures of life grow bigger and bigger while gaining momentum, making them nearly unstoppable. The schedule gets crazier, the stress gets compounded, and somehow, amidst it all, we miss out on our lives entirely.

At first I thought it was just my husband Steve, and I that seemed to be drowning in life’s demands, but when I look around and listen to those in my life, I realize that many of us are in the same boat. Overextended. Overworked. Overwhelmed. Exhausted. Barely staying afloat.

Is it any wonder that our marriages and families are falling apart?

Most of us hardly have time to eat a meal let alone spend quality time together. Quality time is more of a joke than a reality. We’re always waiting for “when things slow down,” but they never really do. Time never magically appears. The stress never seems to fully dissipate. So, what happens? Our individual health suffers, our joy is stifled, and our relationships absorb the brunt of it.

Is this how we are supposed to live? Is this as good as it gets? Is this the life we’re doomed to live?

I don’t think so. In fact, I know so.

Recently, as my husband and I have been enduring one of these extraordinarily crazy busy times in our lives, I’ve been asking myself these questions. Each day seems to be a struggle of its own just trying to manage it all, do it all, and somehow have anything left in the tank for one another when it’s all said and done. We seem to take turns encouraging the other to press onward, but I think deep down, we are both wondering how much longer we can maintain this pace of life, this hectic of a schedule.

So, I’ve been seeking answers. How and where can I create margin? How can I possibly slow down or even have time to relax (gasp!)? How can Steve and I make time to just laugh, play, and enjoy our time together? Where can we find the strength and courage to tackle everything we’re juggling while finding joy amidst the journey? How can I keep myself and my marriage healthy despite life pulling me in a million and one directions?

These are tough questions that I think we’ve all wrestled with at one time or another. There are certainly times in our lives where we are busier than others, but we are all managing a lot all of the time. So, we are all stuck in this perpetual conundrum of creating margin, prioritizing our families, or else paying the consequences of not doing so.

Honestly, being amid one of these insane seasons, it’s tough to offer up any wisdom or insight on how to prioritize, slow down, or strike a healthy balance. Because this is something I’m currently struggling with and frequently do struggle with. Feels a bit hypocritical trying to offer up advice for a problem I’m presently dealing with. At the same time, there’s no better time to share help than when we’re in the storm ourselves. Right? Makes for a more vulnerable, raw, and honest message.

In my own seeking, I’m discovered a few truths and insights into busyness.

What BUSY stands for.

My parents were in town visiting us, and we all went to church together. The pastor was talking about being busy and how it can steal your joy and purpose. Afterwards, we were all discussing the sermon, and my mom said, “I once heard a pastor say that BUSY stands for Being Under Satan’s Yoke.” Wow! Truthfully, we live in a culture that praises and prides itself on being busy. The busier you are; the more important and successful you are, right?

I think we all feel the pressure to have every minute of every day jammed full of stuff. If you’re like me, I have a hard time doing nothing. I feel guilty, unproductive, and anxious. When Satan convinces us that we need to fill every moment with an action item, we often miss out on the simple pleasures and joys of life. We begin to think that we are only worth what we are able to produce. This flies in the face of what the Lord wants for us.

Yes, we are called to work (Genesis 2:15). No, we shouldn’t be lazy or slothful. Yes, we are called to use our talents and abilities (Matthew 25:14-30). But we are also told in Matthew 11:30 that the Lord’s yoke is easy and His burden light. Jesus was certainly on the go doing a lot, but He never neglected His relationship with His Heavenly Father or the people in His life. That’s something for us to keep in mind as we go about each day.

Rest is necessary.

If God needed to rest after working (Genesis 2:2-3), then why would we not need rest too? Most of us are sleep deprived zombies walking around incoherent and barely lucid if we’re being honest. We have ourselves spread so thin that we can’t give anything our best. Not only do we need to take time to rest after working hard, but I think we need to rest our weary souls from feeling like we have to earn our worth.

If I’m being truthful, at the heart of my toil and busyness is the ugly truth that I feel only as worthy as what I produce. My identity is wrapped up in how much I do, how much I’m involved with, and how others perceive my productivity. However, all that I am called to do is my best and to honor the Lord in all that I do. Beyond that, I need to rest my mind and my spirit in knowing that the pressure to produce or please isn’t on me, it’s on the Lord.

I believe those moments of rest are where we are casting off the notion that we are somehow in control of it all. That’s a burden meant for one – the Lord, Creator of all – not for me or for you. Matthew 11:28-30 says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Using my talents, time, and abilities to be creative and productive pleases the Lord, but I think what I (and I’m guessing you) need is to take my hands off the steering wheel and just ask the Lord to be the one in control. Yes, I need to take time for physical rest, but more than that, I need to take time to give my soul rest. To put my trust in the Lord.

Renew your strength.

The fact of the matter is there’s a lot that we all juggle. Sometimes we don’t know what to cut out or how to cut back. It all seems to need our attention, and most of us will constantly battle busyness. I think that’s a product of the world and culture we live in today. We’re busy people.

While I always want to keep looking at my list of to dos and making sure that God is number one, my husband is number two, and my family is number three, I know that I’m going to be stretched thin more times than not accomplishing the other million and one things that follow. I can’t do it all on my own accord. That’s just the truth. I’m insufficient. I get tired. My brain doesn’t cooperate. I need help.

We may not be able to afford a housekeeper or a lawn guy, but we have all the help me need in the Lord. Isaiah 40:31 tells us that those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Matthew 6:33 lets us know that we just need to seek first the kingdom of God, and everything else will be added unto us. God is in control, and He is capable of renewing our strength and our mind.

In the days where I want to break down and cry because I’m so tired and stressed (but can’t because I don’t have time … haha), I call upon the Lord. I pray that He would renew my strength and my mind. That He would guide my thoughts and actions, giving me wisdom to accomplish what needs to be done that day. He is like a power source recharging my battery so I can keep going, and I never want to unplug from Him.

I wish I could give you a step by step list of how to eliminate stress and streamline your schedule, but I can’t. It’s a battle I’m in as I write this, and it’s one that I find myself fighting more times than I’d like to admit. What I do know is that I must make God my top priority with my husband and family a close second and third. There’s no way for me to please everyone, even when I’m trying. There’s no way to do it all because the list is always growing. All I can do is my best and trust God for the rest and to help me find rest.

Copyright © 2014, Foundation Restoration. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No reproduction allowed without written permission from Foundation Restoration and/or the author.