By Ashley McIlwain

Like most ladies out there, I grew up on fairytales. Those feel-good Disney movies filled with princesses, princes, singing, castles, “true” love, and happy endings. My sisters and I would dance across the living room twirling, singing, and acting out all of our favorite parts. All the while, deep down inside creating our own image of what our own fairytale love story would look like.

As we grow up, all of us have our own idea of what we think our love story will look like. We have expectations of fluttery stomachs, getting lost in one another’s eyes, and a relatively constant state of euphoria. Granted some of you are a bit more grounded or perhaps low on the continuum of those expectations, but we all have them to a lesser or greater degree. The funny thing is, I was thinking about these fairytales we’ve all fallen in love with and realized that the majority of us, if not all of us, have neglected to see some keys truths about our beloved happy endings.

Thinking through the various once upon a times, I noticed that in between that well known opening phrase and the famous closing of “they lived happily ever after,” a lot of tough stuff happens. The fairytales didn’t come so easily. In fact, every single one of them required a battle, a battle that only the strongest and most courageous would fight. There was evil to overcome, scary forests to navigate, and all sorts of adversity along the way. At a second glance, these fairytales aren’t all fluff and feel-good.

Hmm … somehow I never noticed that growing up. It was the true love’s kiss and perfect wedding at the end that stood out and stayed with me all these years. And I’m guessing I’m not alone in that.

So many of us go into the dating world and into our marriage forgetting or not even realizing the battles won, tears shed, and evil overcome in the happy endings we emulate and pursue. Instead, we just expect the cloud nine euphoria version. It sets us up for failure because there’s no such thing as an easy marriage. In fact, easy marriage is an oxymoron. Some may be easier or more difficult than others, but all marriages entail hard work, effort, and a good old fashion fight for it.

That’s why I wanted to point out a few facts about these fairytales and happy endings that, if you’re like me, you’ve probably overlooked.

Tears are shed

I can’t think of any princess story where there aren’t tears shed. Whether it’s Ariel in The Little Mermaid crying over her father’s harsh scolding to attempt to protect her or Belle in Beauty in the Beast crying when she and her father were separated and also when Beast died, each journey to love entailed tears being shed because of the loss and pain experienced along the way.

We too will shed tears in our marriage because there will be times where we are hurt, things get tough, and we experience pain for one reason or another. Like sunshine comes after the rain, our smile comes after the tears.

Evil comes against us

When we hear the word fairytale, we typically think of sappy love stories, but what also tends to come to mind is the concept of good overcoming evil. Ariel overcomes Ursula’s evil schemes, Belle and the Beast break the curse, Aurora in The Sleeping Beauty defeats the witch, and Anna and Elsa prove triumphant in Frozen despite Hans’ lies.

Satan hates love because God is love, and He wants us to love (1 John 4:7-21). As we try to love, evil will try to overcome, discourage, and destroy us (John 10:10). We shouldn’t be surprised when we face adversity and obstacles in our marriage because we have a very real enemy out there fighting against us. Satan knows that when we love one another like God loves us, it’s one of the most powerful, magical forces around so he tries to interfere, deceive, and keep us from loving one another.

There’s always a battle

What does every good fairytale entail? A battle and a victory. Prince Eric and Ariel in The Little Mermaid have to fight Ursula, the sea witch. Belle and the Beast have to fight against the curse that was put on the Beast because of his ferocious temper. There are dragons that are slain, evil witches that have to be defeated, and personal struggles that must be won. If we truly want love and happiness, we have to roll up our sleeves and fight for it.

Sometimes there’s a very real enemy out there like the man wooing your wife or the woman enticing your husband. Other times it’s battling more invisible enemies like insecurities, past wounds, and/or our impure thoughts. Some of us will have to battle addiction, illness, losses, adjustments, and much more. A lot of times we’re willing to fight for love, but then once we win our spouse’s heart and convince them to marry us, we stop fighting for them and our marriage. After we get hitched, that’s when we must really dig deep and fight all battles big and small. We will all face battles, but if we don’t fight, we can’t win. Your marriage is worth fighting for.

There’s always a cost

One of the first times I ever cried at a movie was when I watched The Little Mermaid. At the end of the movie, she has to say goodbye to her father and family under the sea. That was the cost of marrying and being with the love of her life, Prince Eric. I was only 6 years old when I watched that and cried because, even at the young age, I knew that Ariel must have been so sad to have had to say goodbye to her family. It was such an oddly happy and sad moment all at the same time. She got the guy but her life completely changed forever.

Marriage always costs us. We have to walk away from our primary identities such as daughter and son to embrace and fulfill our new primary role as husband or wife. That’s hard and takes some adjusting. It means we can’t be selfish anymore because love requires us to be selfless and put our spouse’s wants and needs before our own. It means giving up some dreams to pursue others. It’s choosing our spouse over other tempting things. It is staying committed and true to our spouse no matter what comes our way. Marriage is something that costs us, but it also rewards us with the joy, love, and fulfillment of the lifelong friendship and relationship we get to build and savor with our spouse. It’s worth any of the other sacrifices combined.

Fairytales are a huge part of what we picture love to look like, whether we realize it or not. Whether we like it or not. In many ways fairytales and happy endings have been given a bad rap, but I don’t think it’s the overall concept that is the issue. I think it’s that we get so locked into the happy ending, the ever after, and the bliss that we miss the tears, battle, evil, and cost that are also demonstrated in these whimsical tales.

Our marriage, your marriage, can be a happy ending fairytale, but you can’t forget that at times you will cry, get hurt, have to fight battles, face evil, and sacrifice. It’s the victory and triumph over all that that makes the happy ending so special. We wouldn’t even watch those sappy love stories if the couple didn’t have to fight and overcome so much to be together. The same is true in your own marriage. It’s the battles faced and won that make your love story so extraordinary.

Happy Ending

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