Conversation Starters for Couples

By Ashley McIlwain

You’ve been waiting for this moment. A break away from work, responsibilities, and the kids. It’s just you and your spouse … finally. It’s more of a rare occasion than you’d like to admit, but here you are. But now what? There’s a moment of panic as the awkward silence takes over. It’s almost as if you’ve been set up on a blind date, and you aren’t sure what you and this person across from you even have in common. Life’s constant chaos has somehow made the conversation difficult to invent. Like a car on empty, you’re sputtering up the hill of quality time wondering what to talk about with none other than your spouse.

It’s not uncommon to find yourself in this position. In fact, many couples, particularly once kids have come into the picture, indeed find themselves stranded on the island of struggling conversation. Life’s busyness has a way of creating a disconnect between a husband and wife. Suddenly you get thrown into the deep end of quality time, and you’re floundering figuring out what to do with it.

Don’t worry, like an unused hinge, you’ve managed to get a little rusty. That’s ok. You’re not past the point of no return. You’re marriage isn’t falling apart. You’ve just got to get reconnected. Once you get started, you’ll find yourselves fueled up and back on track in no time.

To help ease the discomfort and pain of figuring out what to talk about, I’ve come up with a few conversation starters for you.  A few questions to ask one another to get things flowing again.

Conversation isn’t a one size fits all sort of thing. Some people enjoy lists. For example, what are your top 3 favorite …? Others like deep conversations that tackle some of those tough issues other steer clear of. If there’s one thing you would change about _____, what would it be? There are those who prefer fun conversations that lead to laughter. If you could be any animal, what would you be and why? Some people communicate to convey information only while others use it to build relationship. There are those who prefer not to talk at all, and others find it difficult to come up for air.

No wonder there are so many opportunities for confusion in conversation, huh? Everyone comes at it from a different angle and with a different objective. That creates a pocket for confusion, misunderstanding, and frustration, which is why the conversations starters I’m going to share with you will cover an array of categories and styles. I suggest sampling each of them with your spouse. At the end of your conversation, ask each other which style you preferred so next time you know which kind to focus on with your spouse.

To make it easier, I’ve turned the questions into a free printable .pdf that you can download and print out. Click here to see it and download it.

One of the greatest joys of marriage is the companionship and friendship of your spouse. The goal is to enjoy one another’s company, to encourage each other, to be vulnerable and honest, and to constantly work toward a more fulfilling life and marriage together. Conversation is a powerful means of maintaining and building that friendship and companionship with your spouse throughout the years.

Quality time can be hard to come by amidst family responsibilities, work, church, social interactions, and all of the other obligations we find ourselves trying to keep up with. When you do get those precious moments together, seize them. Take full advantage of the opportunity that lies within them. Connect, converse, and enjoy your spouse, your friend, your companion.

Feel free to download our sheet of conversation starters, let me know how they worked for you, and share your own questions and topics of conversation you enjoy with your spouse!

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