By Ashley McIlwain
Have you ever closed one eye and looked at something? Then looking at the same object, closed the other eye? Repeating this back and forth is quite fascinating. The people around you might think you are losing it, but it’s amazing how each eye sees the same object so differently. When both are open, you get a much more in-depth and complete view. It’s phenomenal how both eyes working together create and capture the whole picture … it reminds me of marriage.
Individually we see things one way. Individually we are great, valuable, and important. Individually we matter and can accomplish great things. When we get married though, we can see a more complete and comprehensive view of things. Together we are powerful and can accomplish even more. Together, we are a force to be reckoned with.
It’s not that being single is bad, wrong, or insufficient. It’s just that marriage does bring about this whole new layer to what we see, perceive, and can achieve. Just as each eye is completely capable of observing an object correctly, as individuals we are fully functioning and capable. Yet, it’s when we open that other eye that we are able to view more dimensions to what we’re looking at. In marriage, when we bring two different perspectives together, we see a whole new set of layers, facets, and depth.
What’s interesting is the concept of our blind spot. Each eye has a very small gap in its visual field. Why don’t we notice it? Because each of our eyes also has a visual field that overlaps with the other to compensate for that gap. Our brain is “very efficient at using the information from the other eye and other spatial information to “fill in” missing information. Your brain continually makes its best guess as to what is missing.”
I think the same is true for us as individuals. We have “blind spots.” These blind spots are areas of our lives where we may be struggling, lacking awareness, or just not very skilled, inclined, or talented in. They are a sort of gap in our abilities.
Filling in the Gaps
One of the many wonderful things about marriage is that as a couple we often compensate for the other person’s blind spots. We fill in each other’s gaps. Our abilities, talents, interests, and strengths overlap one another making us more effective and stronger.
Living in Southern California with my family all back east, I have discovered just how much my husband and I have really adapted this is concept of overlapping and filling in one another’s gaps. Often times he can’t make the trip back home with me, so I go alone, and it amazes me how dependent I have become on him. We have delegated responsibilities and duties to one another to complete the picture, so when I’m not with him, I feel like the walking wounded in a lot of ways.
For example, Steve usually does the driving when we’re together. He enjoys being the one behind the wheel, and since he’s usually better with knowing where he’s going anyway, I’m content in my passenger seat. When I go home though, I find myself waiting by the passenger side door sometimes when I’m the one supposed to drive. It always makes me chuckle and smile to see just how much our lives have become intertwined over the years.
On a more important note though, Steve has shown me other more important blind spots in my life. I didn’t realize just how independent I was before I met him. I was used to being the one others relied on, came to for advice or help, and looked to fix, solve, or resolve things. Being the “go to” person for others has always been my role, and over the years, I’ve learned to silence my own needs, emotions, and ability to receive from others. When we started dating, Steve immediately picked up on this, and slowly but surely he has taught me that it’s ok to ask for help, to have wants and desires, and to be on the receiving end of blessings. He’s also given me a safe place to be vulnerable and to open up in ways I just never did before. As a result, I have learned so much about myself and have grown tremendously.
Steve has also had a lot of similar experiences where I’ve been able to point out some of his blind spots. Now having the ability to see areas of growth he couldn’t before, together we have worked on and through them. It’s beautiful to see us grow as individuals because of our growth together.
Beyond Us
Being married also opens our eyes to the blind spots of those around us. Together we can identify the needs that exist in our families, friends, and community and then work as a team to do something about it. Together we can help each other identify our strengths, talents, and passions to make a difference in this world and pursue God’s plans and purpose for our lives. Whereas we might not have seen those areas of need or our ability to impact, our spouse can help point those out and encourage us to reach out in ways we never would have otherwise.
Perspective on Problems
Furthermore, when an issue arises whether it’s an individual, marital, or any other kind of problem, we’re able to come at it from two different directions. We combine our thoughts and perspectives to get a more thorough take on what’s happening and what can be done about it. It helps to tackle something when we see all the angles.
Granted our differing perspectives can sometimes cause a bit of dissonance at first, but when we’re willing to actually put our heads together, we are much better off. Together we can see all the layers and angles to the problem as well as their potential solutions. Two people can usually brainstorm a lot more solutions than just one person can, and then collectively you can put your heads together to execute the right plan of attack for the problem.
Having a spouse is like opening both eyes up. You can see things so much more clearly. Suddenly there are dimensions and layers visible to ourselves and the world that were previously hidden. Our spouse helps compensate for our blind spots, and together, we are stronger, wiser, and all around better for it. Together we can see the complete, bigger picture like two eyes wide open.
Copyright © 2013, Foundation Restoration. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No reproduction allowed without written permission from Foundation Restoration and/or the author.
Great article! It gives a great perspective on things. Thanks!
Thank you Erin!
It is a good reminder Ashley that 2 are much better than 1. We need to appreciate that other persons perspective and be a good listener it will be to our advantage.
Diane, absolutely! It’s great to remember that we need and should appreciate that other person’s perspective! Thanks for sharing!
Thoroughly enjoyed the article presenting a unique perspective of one of the reasons why God created marriage. I recall a teacher way back in elementary school having each student take a piece of paper, roll it up into a tube, place it alongside our open hand in front of our face. With both eyes open, we looked through the tube with one eye while looking ahead at the hand with the other. To our amazement, as we stared, eyes wide-open, a hole appeared through the hand! The blind spot revealed! Truly, in marriage, our spouse can identify our “blind spot”, which we “cannot see for looking” and help us see the things of life and others more clearly. It brings a certain warm feeling to know that marriage is a product of intelligent design, and we can see it that way through our spouse.