By Coleen York
“He completes me.”
“She’s my better half.”
“I just knew there was something missing … until I met him.”
If you’ve been breathing for about half a millisecond, you’ve probably heard someone somewhere saying some version of these statements. Maybe YOU have even proclaimed one of these clichéd, yet popular, sayings.
Not going to lie, I have before. And although there’s nothing outwardly “wrong” about this, there’s nothing exactly “right” about these statements either.
I’m not one to get caught up in silly semantics. Saying these declarations to your significant other can be cute. If it’s said with the right heart and intentions.
Allow me to clarify. I’m not slapping you on the wrist for appreciating your spouse or significant other … or for being romantic and cute. However I would like to draw attention to some of the lies we begin to let into the back doors of our minds from an early age. Lies that culture, movies, and discontentment continue to feed.
Lie #1: I am not a complete person without a boyfriend or a girlfriend
Lie #2: I am only half a person and only half as good as I could be without a spouse.
Lie #3: There is a giant void in my existence, and I am missing out on the best part of life because I do not have a significant other.
Do you have a void? Possibly. Are you incomplete? Perhaps. Are you as good as you could be? Maybe not.
However, none of those feelings have anything to do with whether you are single or in a relationship with someone … other than with Jesus.
It’s so easy to feel discontent. It’s easy to look around and want what we do not have, what we see in the movies, or even what our friends and parents have. Unfortunately we allow what is not yet ours mess with our self worth. Suddenly, we are incomplete, unworthy of a relationship, and not as good as we think we should be. We have made relationships into a cure-all for every illness, bad feeling, issue, and heartsickness we have.
If there’s a tugging at your heart nudging you to believe that something is still missing in your life, a relationship will not instantaneously silence the voice. A relationship will not automatically fill the leaks in your life. It may help for awhile. Or may be a band-aid on a bigger problem …
Let me clear this up. You are not half a person waiting to be completed by your spouse. God created you a WHOLE person. Not a half. There may be voids in your life. At times you may feel incomplete. And I am not saying that the right person won’t enhance and add to your life. However, another person cannot bring you completeness. Another human being cannot heal you. The “right” relationship will not erase your past. But Jesus does that. He conquered sin and death to restore completeness and fill every hole that seems to gape from within your being.
Concentrate on allowing Jesus to fill those voids. Give Him the areas of your life that seem out of your control, even the parts that seem to be missing all together.
You are a whole person. You were not created incomplete.
Copyright © 2012, Foundation Restoration. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No reproduction allowed without written permission from Foundation Restoration and/or the author.
Very well said!
Loryn, thanks! 🙂
Yet another great article. I know some friends who are in this position and at times I was there myself. It’s tough but you’re right.
Erin, Coleen did a great job with this article. I too know a lot of friends who are in this position, and it was a refreshing and encouraging reminder of our wholeness in Christ! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Thanks for this Coleen! I think many of us can feel the same way from time to time. This is encouragement and there probably couldn’t have bee truer words on the subject…
“Do you have a void? Possibly. Are you incomplete? Perhaps. Are you as good as you could be? Maybe not.
However, none of those feelings have anything to do with whether you are single or in a relationship with someone … other than with Jesus.”
-Ashlee Chu
Ashlee, thanks for commenting! I’m so glad that you found this article to bring about encouragement and truth. IT can definitely be challenging at times when single to remember that, while marriage is extremely fulfilling, it’s not what completes us. Jesus is the only One who can bring fulfillment and wholeness.