By Coleen York

There are about 40 billion paradoxes in the Bible. Yeah, yeah, I know I’m completely exaggerating. But there are a lot. The thing about paradoxes is that they don’t usually make sense logically. The math just often seems wrong…

“What do you mean the last will be first, Jesus? How can someone who is last be first? I think you have that mixed up…”  Is probably what I would have tried to tell Jesus in Matthew 20:16 when he revealed this idea to His disciples.

How can doing something so opposite of what feels natural, lead to a positive end result? It seems like self-suicide … especially in the gimme-gimme-me-first-gotta-have-it-my-way-lookin’-out-for-number-one society we live in today.

Unfortunately, our relationships are not exempt from the “me first” mentality either. At the beginning stages everything is new and exciting. Every day is a surprise filled with butterflies and rainbows.

However, as time passes and familiarity grows we begin to think about our needs and expectations more and more. Are my needs being met? Are they talking to me as much as they used to? Why doesn’t he buy me flowers anymore? Why does she only ever wear sweatpants now? Why don’t we talk about our feelings more? Why doesn’t he make me feel pretty now? And so our thoughts become consumed with ourselves…

Enter in the relationship paradox.

The more you focus on yourself, your needs, your desires, your ideals, the less they seem to get met. This isn’t a magic formula, and I’m not saying you should play the martyr and constantly self-sacrifice, or that it is wrong to have needs. We all have needs. However, focusing on getting your own needs met is not how you, or the other half of your relationship, thrive.

Jesus set an example for us to live by, and it’s not just to be used at church. It’s to be used with our families, our spouses, our friends, coworkers, and our boyfriends and girlfriends.

He said the last shall be first and the first shall be last. He said that whoever wants to be great, must first be a servant. And He lowered himself to live a life of service so that we too could follow His example. And as Christ-followers, we know that there is none greater than Jesus.

If both parties of a relationship focus on the other’s needs and not their own, the relationship will be great. Notice I said both. This is a two-way street, not a recipe for martyrdom. No longer are we contorting or manipulating to get what we feel we need. Instead, if both sides selflessly serve the other, then both people actually are being put first.

If I am putting myself last to put him first, and he is putting himself last to put me first … guess what? We are both first and the RELATIONSHIP will grow and flourish.

This is what God designed. This is what Jesus modeled. This is how relationships thrive.

Copyright © 2012, Foundation Restoration.  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No reproduction allowed without written permission from Foundation Restoration and/or the author.