Photo Compliments of Jessica Lorren Photography

 

Turn Off the TV by Ashley McIlwain

At the end of a long day, it’s easy to want to come home and plop down on the couch in front of the television. After all, it’s been a long day, and a little rest and relaxation are in order. The only problem is that often eliminates a great opportunity to connect with your spouse.

Over the last few months, my husband and I have decided that it’s time to just turn off the TV. In fact, we are choosing not to even turn it on. Instead, we grab our dinner plates, head into the living room, and sit down to enjoy a nice dinner and conversation. We take turns talking about our days – what we accomplished, what’s left to do, what all happened, and how we are feeling. We laugh, share, talk, and most importantly connect during some actual quality time together.

Quality time is an important component to a relationship. It’s within that time that we connect with one another. If you look at every relationship prior to marriage, you will almost certainly find that each of them is composed of some serious quality time.  Every possible moment that can be spent together is seized. If the couple can’t physically be together, then they are texting, calling, or emailing one another. The bottom line is that couples prior to marriage get how important time together is. They enjoy one another’s company and make every effort to be near that person getting to know as much about them as possible. That’s one of the biggest things that often falls by the wayside in marriages – putting in the hours necessary for a thriving relationship.

“We just grew apart.”

“We just fell out of love.”

Do any of these sound familiar? That’s probably because they are extremely common reasons given by someone whose marriage has fallen apart. Do you know how you grow apart and fall out of love? By not spending time together. When you stop making the effort to be together it has a domino effect. You stop learning one another. You no longer know what’s going on in each other’s life. You stop having fun together. You keeping chipping away at the foundation of your relationship instead of building upon it.

You can’t get to know someone without spending time with them. There’s no way to find out how someone is doing if you don’t take time to ask them. It’s impossible to check in on how the relationship is doing if you are neglecting it all together. There is no substitute for spending time with each other. That is where you make memories, grow together, grow as an individual, and maintain a strong foundation for your relationship.

Time can obviously be very hard to come by. I am no stranger to life’s demands. It feels like there’s never enough time to do everything necessary. There is never a convenient way to make time. If you want to find some, you have got to make it. That means looking at your responsibilities and commitments and maneuvering them in a way that creates space for you to be with your spouse. It requires a conscious effort.

As I mentioned, we have started creating that time by cutting out the TV on certain nights. Instead we enjoy meaningful conversations where we check in with one another. We ask questions like, “How is work going?” “How was your day?” “How have you been feeling?”

There is another component to quality time besides setting time aside for your spouse. That other component is what you do with that time. Quality time is all about distraction-free, 100 % focus on each other. No phones, no television, do computers, and no drifting. It’s about mentally, emotionally, and physically being present. As precious as time is, the last thing you want to do is squander. Make sure when you set aside those crucial moments together that you are making the most of it with one another.

Even fifteen minutes a day of quality time can make a world of difference. You married your spouse because you enjoy his or her company. Why not keep that alive? We sometimes forget that we got married because we wanted to spend every day for the rest of our lives with our spouse. Don’t forget that and take advantage of the commitment that you made to one another. It’s time to turn off the television and tune into your spouse.

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