By Ricinda Perry

Do you remember your parents saying:  “You’ll become like the friends you choose,” or “Just because she jumped off a bridge, would you jump off a bridge?”

When under your parents’ protection and guidance, they help to keep us on the right track, gently prodding us to make wise choices. Unfortunately once we leave our parents’ covering, we are left to our own demise and the gentle urging of the Holy Spirit to make wise decisions.  Given that the Holy Spirit won’t hit us over the head and our hearts are deceitful, making poor decisions can be par for the course.

I have been observing a number of people who were doing so well in life only to see them make a U-turn into destruction.  They have all come from different walks of life, yet one common thread exists while I have observed them … the people they surround themselves with on a day-to-day basis influence them greatly.

Example 1:  I watched this young lady who was fastidious about her appearance.  She was modest.  Never drank nor smoked.  She was involved in church activities and saved herself for marriage.  Her spouse was a wonderful individual, who by all accounts, supported her desires and goals.  The two seemed very happy a few months into their marriage.  They found time to take some fun trips and do newlywed things.  One year into their marriage, I noticed a shift.  The young man was working hard to provide for his bride, and the young lady had become more focused on her physical activities.  Soon she had stepped away from those church activities she grew up on as a youth and replaced them with a new circle of friends who travelled around the country conquering new physical endurance challenges.  She began travelling with these “friends.”  Interestingly, none of them were married, either by choice or divorce, and they all found gratification at parties and in the nightlife/bar scene. Soon the young lady, who initially joined them on an occasional basis, became a regular at their outings.  Time for her spouse became sporadic … as she was either training, travelling, or hanging out with her “new” friends.  Just under two years into their marriage, she left the long-awaited love of her life for her new friends.

I have watched these two individuals over the past two years since their divorce and neither one seems happier.  The young lady seems especially miserable.  She is a waitress at a local pub, exhausted and financially unable to participate in the physical challenges she used to enjoy. Those friends she valued over her marriage have had more than their fair share of problems ranging from alcoholism to one individual who committed suicide.  She sees them occasionally, but they are always complaining about their problems and are not much fun.  The beautiful bride has lost her supporting spouse, beautiful home, new car, and much of her freedom.  She has aged at least a decade and has a sad look about her … now estranged from even her family.  She has expressed a bitterness toward her parents for not helping her and a jealousy toward her sister who has a “fairytale” life.

My observation is this.  The young lady chose her activities and friends unwisely.  She had the same “fairytale” life her sister now enjoys, but chose to focus her time, energy and resources on a group of friends who were unhealthy for her and her marriage.  Had she looked closely at the fruits of their choices, she would have seen what her destiny could hold if she continued to align herself with their lifestyle.  Had she heeded the advice of her family, spouse and church friends, she may have made better choices.  It is true what your parents said when you were young … you become just like the friends you chose.

Example 2:  A married couple of seven years was struggling.  Financially, they could not afford dates and emotionally, they were drained from the day-to-day demands of life and their young children.  Before long they were exploring separation and divorce.  This couple was friends with another couple at their church.  The church couple learned of the dire situation in their friends’ marriage.  Immediately, they stepped in and paid for the married couple to attend a marriage seminar at a resort across the state.  They also took the married couple’s two children once a month forcing the married couple to take a date night.  Every opportunity they got, the church friends encouraged their married friends to work through their problems.  Many tears were shared between the four friends.  After a year of sacrifices, working and praying for their married friends, the church friends found their marriage had improved and that the married couple had reconciled their differences and were happy and in love with one another.

Look at the group of individuals you spend time with closely.  What are their lives really like?  Do they edify their spouse?  Are they happily married?  Are they financially secure?  Do they have joy in their life, or are they always complaining?  It is not worth shortsighted, short-term “fun” to throw away a potential lifetime of happiness.  Note to spouses.  Do not be afraid to speak up to your spouse and offer them some shelter from poor choices.  Satan will use every trick in the book to attack you, your loved ones and your marriage.  You may be the only individual who can ward off those attacks against your loved one.   If you indeed treasure your spouse, then take a lesson from pirates and guard it closely.  Do whatever it takes to protect your treasure.

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