By Ashley McIlwain

Something that many of us don’t realize is that the decisions we make linger long beyond when they are made. This is a fact and realization I wish I’d come to fully discover and appreciate much sooner in my life because it would have saved me a lot of heartache. At the same time, I know that every decision I’ve made, every turn I’ve taken has developed me into the person I am today. That’s one of the most beautiful concepts of God’s love for us; He’s merciful, gracious, and always willing to give beauty to ashes, even when we’re the ones who created the fire.

Yet, there are plenty of times I ponder about how different things could have been had I made different decisions earlier on in my life. Standing up for what I believed in more; choosing the straight and narrow every time, not just most of the time; being kinder, stronger, and wiser. I look back, and I see my life as an antique coffee table.

Before you laugh, I get that I am not even 30 years old yet, but bear with me because I believe there is a valuable lesson in this, especially for those who are young, single, and dating.

If you’ve ever looked at an antique coffee table, or just an old one for that matter, you will notice all of the dings, scrapes, water marks, and signs of wear and tear. Everything that coffee table has been used for is written all over its face and carved into its body. While that is what gives it character, that’s also what stays with it no matter where it goes or who uses it.

And yes, some of those marks can be eliminated, but it takes some serious elbow grease and tenacity. You have to strip off all of the layers of paint and veneer. All of it must be sanded down through a rough, rigorous, and tiresome process. All of that to then have to carefully stain it again to get it looking beautiful, shiny, and ready to go again.

Out of that concept there are a couple of life takeaways:

  1. The choices we make can leave us with deep scars and wounds, just like an old coffee table. While those things can give us character and make us unique, they are also often painful lessons that don’t ever quite leave us no matter how hard we try to pretend, ignore, or forget them.
  2. While we can be “sanded down” to remove most of those blemishes in our life, it always entails some loss. Not that that’s a bad thing, but it’s a painful and difficult process to literally dig out and sand down all of those rough spots that have left us marred. Oftentimes it’s a process that we have to repeat because we discover the root runs much deeper than we imagined, and we have to sand down or cut away more than we thought to really get rid of the residue left behind.
  3. Everything we do, every decision we make, leaves its mark on us – good or bad. Our decisions can be wise and add to our beauty, or they can be unwise and detract from it. We can become stronger, sturdier, and more valuable, or we can hurt ourselves leaving us weak and broken. When we think of it that way, it changes the importance and amount of thought and intentionality we put into our decision-making.
  4. We’re never beyond repair. Within all of us, no matter how many poor decisions we make or wrong turns we take, the Lord has made us all beautiful, valuable, and usable. In my own life, I’ve learned that all I need to do is repent, turn around, find my way back to the right path through seeking the Lord, and He will help me do the repair work. He will help all of us sand away the rough places to reveal the true beauty that He gave each of us. Satan wants us to believe when we make one, two, or a string of poor decisions that it’s too late for us, but God never gives up on us. Need further evidence? Read Luke 19:1-10, John 4:1-26, John 8:3-11 for just a few of many examples of Jesus’ grace and redemption through repentance.

It’s impossible to go through life unscathed. There’s no way that we can only ever make the best decisions. At times we will venture from the right path. Life is a battleground in many ways, and even when we make all of the right decisions, there is still heartache and pain.

That’s why I wish I had spared myself from unnecessary hurt and troubles. Why do I mention this?

Because one of the most dangerous and common things I witness and hear is this concept of “living it up.” Doing what makes you happy and not worrying about the consequences or how it impacts others. One of the most popular phrases these days is YOLO – you only live once. Especially with single, young people, there’s this sense of, do anything and everything, live with reckless abandon, and make sure to leave no stone unturned. Applied in the wrong scenario, these decisions can leave you limping for life. They can take huge gashes out of you and strip you of your innocence, passion, vigor, and dreams.

One example of this is the dating world. I had a single guy in college ask me, “What’s one piece of advice you’d give me as a single guy not yet married?” My reply was, “Realize that every decision you make now affects your future. The choices you make dating now, will impact the success of your future marriage. How you behave now will affect your future wife. Your past doesn’t stay there; it always follows you into the future. So choose wisely. Live wisely. Everything you do now, matters.”

coffeetableThat’s very contrary to what society says, and to what many of us believe. The prevalent life philosophy of, “Do whatever makes YOU happy” can be very damaging. It’s vital that we use prudence, discretion, self-control, and wisdom in our decision making. That instant “high” could lead to a lifetime of loss. Many times what screams the loudest at you promising pleasure and happiness is the very thing that will prevent you from true intimacy and joy later in life.

God’s Word says it perfectly in Matthew 7:13-14, “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”

Making wise decisions is anything but easy or even obvious at times. Many will try and convince you that you’re missing out on all the “fun.” They’ll pressure you, ridicule you, and call you unkind things. But it’s worth it. When you look back on your life and realize how much heartache you’ve saved yourself from, you’ll never regret the straight and narrow. You’re not choosing the boring, bland, and lame way. You are choosing the wise, adventurous, less taken, and much more rewarding way. You’re blazing a new trail; a trail that bears good fruit for years to come. You’re laying a solid foundation for the life you’ll continue to build.

The decisions we make today follow us into all of our tomorrows. The linger, they last, they impact, they matter. Whether you’re young or old, single or married, I would encourage you to choose wisely, and thus, live wisely. Rather than mar and scar yourself in the name of “happiness,” preserve and fight for the beauty that God has given you so you can enjoy the peace and joy that accompanies that wisdom.

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