By Ashley McIlwain

Married life is an adventure. There’s always something to learn, explore, and overcome. You laugh, cry, fight, make-up, grow up, speak up, and shut up. It’s epic, memorable, fun, exciting, and worth it. Marriage is everything it’s cracked up to be and more, but it’s definitely a lifelong adventure.

Like any good adventure, you need to do some planning in order to set yourselves up for success. Some things will be spontaneous and “fly by the seat of your pants,” but by and large, a plan is a good idea. Guidelines, equipment, and preparation are helpful and important for navigating any trip, but especially marriage.

Many people don’t think of marriage as something they need to plan for. In fact, most people don’t think much beyond the wedding day. We spend so much time, energy, and money on the perfect wedding day, but not much of the same resources are extended to the “perfect” marriage. While the wedding is a special, incredible, and important occasion, the whole point of it is to kick off the real celebration – marriage.  Gene Perret stated it well when he said, “Our wedding day was many years ago; the celebration continues to this day.”

Trust me, I know how easy it is to get wrapped up in that all-important wedding day, but it’s the marriage that matters. If couples spent as much time planning for their marriage as they did their wedding day, I know the current state of marriages would be a whole lot different.

Okay, okay, so you get my point that marriage is an adventure worth planning for. Now what? Well, whether you’re getting married, just got married, or have been married for a while, it’s never too late to get your adventure on track, and I have just the way to do it.

Map It Out

Have you ever headed out to a new location without really knowing how to get there? Obviously you need to know where you are headed, and how you plan on getting there if you intend on actually arriving there. Most of us grab our GPS, type in the address, and blindly follow the promptings. If the GPS fails for one reason or another (lost signal anyone?), you panic because you don’t know how to get where you’re going.

For many of us, we treat our marriage destination much the same way. We don’t really know where we’re going, but we hope that someone will magically tell us how to get there. When we lose our way, we panic and think it’s the marriage’s fault when all along it was that we didn’t plan or take the wheel.

With marriage, you’ve got to go old school … map it out. Take time to talk with your spouse and sort out what being married actually means and looks like. What do you hope to accomplish as a couple over your lifetime? Set markers for five, ten, fifteen year goals for you as individuals and as a couple. Talk about dreams, hopes, and expectations.

It’s not that your map has to have every single detail planned out, nor does it need to be set in stone and so rigid that you don’t enjoy the adventure part of it. Leave room for spontaneity, unexpected events, and bypasses. Mapping it out just ensures that you have an idea of where you’re going and how you plan on getting there as a married couple.

Co-Pilot

My husband, Steve, and I drove across the country together back when we first started dating. Technically we weren’t even an item at that point, but he had been willing to fly out to Pennsylvania and drive with me all the way to Southern California in my little Mitsubishi Eclipse with as much of my stuff that would fit in its sad excuse for a backseat and trunk. To this day it’s one of our favorite memories, but we learned the importance of co-piloting on that trek.

We didn’t necessarily realize it at the time, but we discovered how our relationship would work once married on that cross-country trip. Like marriage, it was a long trip, so we alternated who drove from time to time. Most of the time though, Steve took the wheel, and I navigated. I picked the music, kept the snacks stocked and available, and made sure that we were on track. We each played different but equally important roles, which was a lesson learned in marriage.

Every husband and wife will figure out what works best for steering through their marriage. Whether you’re driving or navigating, it’s important to make sure you’re co-piloting – working as a team. It’s up to you to keep one another and your marriage on track. Working in tandem, you get through your journey together in one piece and with lots of memories made.

Pay Attention to Road Signs

Have you ever watched a scary movie? The victim always seems to run straight into the wilderness, far from any potential of someone helping. I mean, why run toward town when you can head into a thick, creepy forest, right? They make all the wrong moves, and you’re left screaming at the TV, “Don’t do that! What are you thinking?! Nooooo!” You can see their impending doom because they’re taking all the wrong turns and making all the wrong decisions.

Sometimes the same thing happens in our marriage. The cliff’s edge is right there, and yet we ignore all of the road signs and warnings, zooming full speed ahead to catastrophe. Loved ones might be screaming at you desperate to get you to hit the brakes, but you drown them out and grip the steering wheel. Everything is there cautioning us what we’re headed for, but we turn a blind eye toward them out of stubbornness, distraction, negligence, selfishness, or defiance.

Marriage is a road with sharp turns, danger zones, crappy drivers, and potholes. We can’t be so ignorant as to pretend those dangers don’t exist. It’s up to us to pay attention to the road signs and warnings while being defensive drivers. Sometimes an alluring adulterous opportunity swerves into our lane at a time where we could use a little love and attention. Other times workaholism, addictions, or distractions present road blocks. Whatever it is that tries to derail, destruct, or hinder your marriage, it’s up to you to pay attention to the road signs and avoid, protect, and redirect when needed.

Ask For Directions

There are times during the adventure of marriage that you may get a little off track. It happens. The important thing is not to panic or ignore the reality that you may be lost or headed for trouble. Either of those extremes usually has you running in circles, running out of gas, headed for no man’s land, or headed for disaster. None of those are situations you want to find yourselves in.

Marriage is an adventure like none other. It winds and turns, and there are times you may lose sight of your destination. That’s when you need to stop and ask directions. There is no shame in doing so; in fact, it’s the smart, wise, and prudent thing to do. Proverbs 12:15 says, “The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.”

It’s not always easy asking for directions or help, but if you want your marriage to survive the detours of life, then that’s what it takes at times. Find a Christian couple who is in the same stage of life who might understand, currently be going through, or already have gone through what you are that can help. Seek out a seasoned couple that has navigated years of bumps that can offer you insight, wisdom, and encouragement from the other side. Enlist the help of a professional that can listen, guide, and equip you for where you are at.

Anyone can ignore the warning signs and drive straight off the cliff’s edge. It takes the wise, intelligent, and strong person to pull over, admit that they may be off track, and then find someone that can help get them back on the right path. Don’t be afraid to ask for directions; it might be the very thing that saves you.

Marriage is an incredible, thrilling, astounding adventure that we embark on. It’s a journey that is unparalleled. So grab your co-pilot, map it out, read the road signs, ask for directions when needed, and enjoy the ride!

Copyright © 2012, Foundation Restoration.  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No reproduction allowed without written permission from Foundation Restoration and/or the author.