By Ashley McIlwain
It’s that time of year where many of us roll up our sleeves to do some serious spring cleaning. We dig our way to the backs of closets ridding them of items we forgot even existed. Things that have gone unnoticed get packed up or tossed out. Corners that haven’t seen a vacuum or the light of day finally get tended to.
Spring cleaning is a time when the dust bunnies say farewell as squeaky clean and organized move in. It’s a great chance to feel like you’ve gotten your home in order, and you’re dealing with a clean slate. It entails some hard work and heavy lifting, but at the end of it, you are left with an invigorating feeling that all is right and well.
While it’s nice to have our homes literally in order, there’s a more important item that should be on our spring cleaning checklist, and that’s our marriage. Every relationship needs times where we give a little extra tender love and care to it.
When was the last time you rolled up your sleeves and went to town cleaning out the cob webs, dust, and junk that have accumulated in your marriage over time? My guess is that it’s been a while … if ever. That needs to change.
Take Inventory
Every once in a while, it’s good to sit down with your spouse and talk about your relationship. Where it’s been, where it’s at, and where it’s going. If you don’t check in on your relationship, you have no real idea of its current condition.
Most of us dread these conversations for fear that they will end up being some long, drawn out, emotional nightmare. There is definitely that risk, but that doesn’t mean you have an excuse for avoiding these conversations. Take the time to find out:
- What are the strengths and weaknesses of your marriage?
- What are your strengths and weaknesses as a spouse?
- What are your spouse’s strengths and weaknesses?
Pouring out your thoughts, looking at ways to improve, and discussing things that are going well … these are all part of growing, learning, and keeping your marriage healthy.
Clean It Out
Once you’ve had a good heart to heart with your spouse, you should have a better feel for where your marriage is at. Now you are aware of the strengths and weaknesses of yourself, your spouse, and your marriage. This is when you get to work.
Having the information isn’t enough. Now you’ve got to do something about it. It’s time to ask yourself and your spouse:
- How can you maintain doing the things that are going well in your marriage?
- What can you do to strengthen the weaknesses or struggles in your marriage?
- Personally, how can you improve your weak areas and build upon the strong ones?
Be specific about your plan of action. If your wife tells you that she wishes you would help out more around the house, then maybe you can offer to take over doing the dishes and vacuuming. If your husband says he would like for you to affirm him more, plan on leaving notes of encouragement for him and making a point of expressing your gratitude more often.
Keep it Tidy
The more often you check in on your marriage and do some cleaning, the less of a mess you will have to contend with. Think about an area in your home you most often neglect to clean up. Most likely when you do give it the much needed tender love and care it needs, you are facing an overwhelming job.
Marriage is similar. The longer you neglect it, the bigger the job. There’s going to be more dirt, dust, and digging that you’re going to have to take care of, whereas, regular cleaning makes the job much simpler. If you check in with each other frequently and keep working at your relationship, the job gets easier and less daunting with each “cleaning.”
There’s no point in discovering where your marriage is at if you aren’t willing to do something about it. You and your spouse can work together to clean out the cob webs, take out the trash, and put an added shine on things. It takes open communication and a willingness to put in the necessary effort to make the needed changes for your marriage to be the best it can be.
As with anything you give due attention to, it prospers. Like a home cared for, it shows in its beauty and durability. Marriage is no different. When you put in the work, it shows. It shines like a beacon for you, your spouse, and for those around you. So roll up your sleeves, and get to work!
Copyright © 2012, Foundation Restoration. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No reproduction allowed without written permission from Foundation Restoration and/or the author.
Good advice. It can be a difficult conversation to do some “spring cleaning”, but it really is worth it…especially if you get in the habit of doing it regularly.
Anonymous, it’s definitely not always an easy conversation to have, but it’s always worthwhile. Thanks for the feedback!
Good article. It’s true that it can be tough to do the spring cleaning but unfortunately it definitely has do or walls go up and defenses kick in and that puts us in a scary place. I appreciate the encouragement! Thanks
Erin, thanks for the comment! It’s definitely a struggle to do the spring cleaning in a marriage, but without it, the offenses, resentment, and other negativity begin to build up. Like you said, that can put us in a scary place. It’s easier to maintain a marriage than to try and salvage it. Glad you found encouragement in this; thanks for sharing!