By Ashley McIlwain
Many times falling in love is equated with a leap of faith, and with good reason.
It can be scary jumping head first into a relationship let alone a marriage. After all, you are about to make yourself completely vulnerable, which also means leaving yourself completely open to getting hurt. Giving your heart to someone is not an easy thing at all.
How can I trust him? Will she always love me? Will our marriage stand the test of time? How can I be sure that this is the right choice? Is there any way to ensure I don’t get hurt?
These are questions that often surround the huge commitment of marriage. Quite honestly, I am glad that people have concerns because it means they are thinking about the importance and magnitude of the decision they are about to make. Marriage is meant to be for life, and that can be an overwhelming thought.
The thing is, there are no guarantees when it comes to life, and that’s true for marriage as well. We’ve all heard the saying “nothing is certain but death and taxes.” Here is the truth: I can promise you that you will get hurt by your spouse, you will hurt your spouse, things will get messy, and there will be tears shed. That’s not just marriage, that’s life.
Marriage brings together two imperfect people, and with that comes mistakes, failures, and flaws. Unfortunately that leads to disappointment, pain, and heartache at times. But, there is good news.
With those bumps in the road come a lot of joy, happiness, and fulfillment. While we are human and at times unintentionally hurt the ones we love, we’re also really great and capable of encouraging, affirming, and loving one another. Marriage is a lifetime of smiles, affection, laughter, love, and blessings!
That being said, there are a few things I would encourage you to do before making that infamous leap of faith. They aren’t fail proof, step-by-step instructions but rather a couple of things to help make sure that when you take that leap of faith, it’s with peace and excitement rather than fear and anxiety.
Pray
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. –Philippians 4:6
There’s no doubt in my mind that this is always easier said than done, but nonetheless, God never intended for us to worry ourselves sick. He tells us to cast all of our cares on Him (1 Peter 5:7), and that includes our fears about marriage and commitment. God knows how frightening that decision can be, but He wants to guide you through it.
If there is one piece of advice I can suggest to every person about marriage, it would be to submit your choice in spouse to God. Let Him know that you want His will, not your own will. Ask Him to give you confirmation and peace. Pray for His divine wisdom and discernment. Truly lay this at His feet and allow Him to orchestrate your life and your marriage.
Don’t stop praying there though. Prayer is such a huge element of my marriage. I pray for my husband and with my husband, for myself as a wife, and for our marriage. When things get tough, we take it to the Lord as a couple and as individuals. In both the good and bad times, we offer thanksgiving to God for His goodness and faithfulness.
Prayer is one of your most powerful tools in this life, and that goes for your relationships too.
Wisdom
The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways … –Proverbs 14:8
Giving thought to the magnitude of marriage is a good thing. I wish that more people gave it more thought rather than just “following their heart.” It’s not about “falling in love” and thus, living happily ever after. It may begin that way, but a strong marriage is the decision to commit to love your spouse through thick and thin until your dying day. That goes way beyond your emotions.
Praying for wisdom in, not only your choice of spouse but how the two of you conduct yourselves throughout your marriage, is absolutely essential. It’s wise to assess the decision you are making when it comes to marriage. Give heartfelt and sincere contemplation to the decisions surrounding your marriage.
Sometimes our hesitancy is the prompting of the Holy Spirit. Deep down do you know this person isn’t the best fit for you? Or perhaps you aren’t truly ready for marriage? Or are there red flags that you’ve been turning a blind eye to?
Of course marriage is a huge transition which brings with it some anxiety and concern, but there is a difference between adjusting to big changes and being uncertain with your choice. Having doubts about your fiancé and/or marriage is not the same as trying to comprehend the transition that lies ahead. If you’re dealing with hesitations and serious apprehension about getting married, then I would encourage you to reconsider the lifetime commitment you are about to make. If you’re just trying to wrap your mind around all of the upcoming roles and changes that are about to occur, take a deep breath, give yourself grace, and consider talking through all of those normal nerves with someone whom you love and trust.
Marriage is one of the greatest gifts God gave us. To truly love and be loved is an incomparable experience that stands the test of time. Committing to love someone through anything and everything that life may throw your way establishes an intimacy and companionship that is only experienced in marriage.
Yes, marriage is a leap of faith, but it’s the best ride of your life. Cover your decision to marry in prayer and use wisdom to guide you throughout your life together. The depth of provisions within a marriage is indescribably rewarding, so take that leap of faith, and savor each moment!
Copyright © 2012, Foundation Restoration. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No reproduction allowed without written permission from Foundation Restoration and/or the author.
Great insight. Love this quote from your article, “marriage is the decision to commit to love your spouse through thick and thin until your dying day”.
Anonymous, thank so much for your feedback and encouragement! Thrilled that you liked this!
What a great article! It definitely rings a bell. I can honestly say as a newlywed of 5 months that it has been the hardest five months I think I have ever experienced due to health issues, but I can tell you this. It has also been the most rewarding and intimate time with my husband because he is walking with and beside me. I desperately needed his support and love and commitment. I can’t imagine life without him and he has been a blessing every day to me, for better or worse. Thanks for another great article!
Erin, health issues, especially right off the bat in a marriage can be so challenging to deal with. But what a blessing to have your new husband there to walk beside you through it all. It’s a true testament of love and commitment in your new and budding marriage. Anyone can love in the “for better” and “health” times, but it takes true commitment and love in the “for worse” and “sickness” parts. Thanks for sharing, and God bless the two of you!